IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many children are encouraged to do part time work by parents? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#children #part #time #work #parents
It is believed that most of the children are persuaded by their parents to do any
part
time
work
. The primary advantage of working as a
part
time
 for children is to get financial help for
thier
of them or themselves
their
 studies which minimize the overburden of parents for paying their tuition fees and The main disadvantage is that they may get distracted from their studies which can have a devastating consequences on their future.
To begin
, taking a
part
time
job
 will make them to become better adept to
fiancial
involving financial matters
financial
 management in
future
Suggestion
the future
. Since they are the only one to manage their money, they can easily prioritise the things to buy. As education is very expensive at present times, students can contribute to their tuition fees by doing any
part
time
job
.
This is
Accept comma addition
This, is
 turn, will lessen the burden on their parents.
Last
 but not the least, these
part
time
 jobs may provide vocational training and real
time
 experience
to
Suggestion
for
children which
Accept comma addition
children, which
 helps students to secure a good
job
 after their studies.To exemplify, a recent survey conducted by
placement cell
Suggestion
the placement cell
 presents that placement rate is
high
Suggestion
higher
 in those students who already have
part
Suggestion
a part time
time
job
 experience along with their studies. On the flip side,
part
time
work
 can divert the mind of students from education and they lean more towards money.
Additionally
, the hectic schedule of
work
 and
job
 make them stressful and they get
haywired
informal or slang term for mentally irregular
haywire
 while trying to balance between
job
 and
work
.
Consequently
, their exam grades get effected.
Furthermore they
Accept comma addition
Furthermore, they
 are not mature enough to choose the right company, there is a high probability that they may fall in bad company at their workplace. In conclusion,
Although
 working
part
time
 can help students to overcome the financial burden from their studies, it makes difficult for them to maintain a proper balance between
work
 and education
Submitted by preeti.sharma161 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: