IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #outweigh
It is true that new technologies have impacted greatly on the way children using their free
time
. While
this
 has several benefits. I believe that overall the drawbacks are greater. Admittedly, there are several advantages when child
spend
Suggestion
spends
 their spare
time
 on using smartphones or gaining access to the Internet.
Firstly
, new technologies
help
Suggestion
helps
 schoolchildren entertain after a tiring day at school. They are able to discover many new contents on
network
Suggestion
a network
networks
the network
 that can make them less stressful as well as
fertiling
a statement made about the future
foretelling
 their imagination. For
instant
Suggestion
an instant
, my niece said she is a big fan of astronomy and the Internet strongly supports her in enquiring about planets.
Secondly
, children can
also
 improve their skills
such
 as reflexes, eye hand coordination and team working by devoting
time
 to electrical games.
In other words
, playing games could help them
horn
sharpen with a hone
hone
 their skill. Despite the positive impacts of new technologies. I believe that the drawbacks are far more significant. One reason for
this
 view is that children can run the risk of many health problems. If they spend too much
time
 on sitting in front of the screen, they can lead a more sedentary lifestyle which has many negative consequences
such
 as obesity or eye blurred. Another reason is that spending too much
time
 on using electrical equipments could lead to
underperform
 in academical results.
This
 means that
child
Suggestion
a child
children
 cannot focus on the tasks due to the lingering images of games and makes them reduce in productivity. In conclusion, I firmly hold the view that new technologies
has
Suggestion
have
 more disadvantages than advantages in lifestyle of children.
Submitted by dangminhtuanttc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • new technologies
  • children
  • free time
  • access
  • educational resources
  • information
  • development
  • key skills
  • enhancing
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • opportunity
  • connect
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • lack
  • physical activity
  • potential
  • health issues
  • impact
  • social
  • emotional development
  • exposure
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • dependency
What to do next:
Look at other essays: