IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Every country should have a free health service even if this means the latest medical treatment may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#country #health #service #treatment
In the world today, the importance of
health
 care services cannot be
overemphasized which
Accept comma addition
overemphasized, which
 is why it should be made available at no cost to the citizens.
However
, I do no believe that
this
 should be at the expense of quality medical advancements.
Firstly
, the outcome of any medical service provided is very important and
this
 has been improved to a great extent by modern medical development. Now, making diagnosis and treatment is easier and less invasive.
For example
, using a
laparoscopic
 machine to perform surgery has reduced the risk of surgical site infections and surgical scars.
Furthermore
, providing completely free
health
 services creates a financial burden on the government. Funds from other important sectors like education and provision of social amenities would be diverted
to
Suggestion
into
 the
health
 system. When
this
 becomes
difficult it
Accept comma addition
difficult, it
 could lead to a collapse in
health system
Suggestion
the health system
.
This
 is why the government has designed a
health
 insurance policy which has made
health
 care both affordable and sustainable.
On the other hand
, more people would benefit from medical management when it is free. Citizens that are financially handicapped would be able to afford quality
health
 care which would in turn improve the overall
health
 status. In conclusion, delivering
health
 services to members of the society at no cost is
important but
Accept comma addition
important, but
this
 should not replace quality and modern medicine which helps in making accurate diagnosis, prompt treatment and improved outcome.
Submitted by oyenafisat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: