Many countries are spending a huge amount of money on supporting their competitor to take part in some worldwide sports competitions. Others argue that it would be better if these countries can spend the money on children to take part in sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #amount #money #competitor #part #sports #competitions #children

Traditionally, some people hold the belief that spending money on training elite competitors to shine on the international stage in worthwhile. Nowadays, a growing number of people tend to believe that a country should invest more youngsters’ physical conditions, and

therefore

stimulate their interest

for

Suggestion

participating sports from an early age. Some people believe that it is not worthwhile to

finance

Accept comma addition

finance, sport

sport

competitors merely for the purpose of achieving success in the global arena if we take the poor situation of mass sports into consideration. The lack of physical exercise has become a huge problem among citizens, particularly teenagers, as the construction and maintenance of

sport

facilities

Suggestion

are

underfunded

not precisely limited, determined, or distinguished

undefined

. Actually, children’s

sport

activities are more beneficial for the future development of a nation as sports can ensure that children maintain enthusiasm for sports and keep good physical condition in the future study so that they deserve more financial support from the government as well as sponsors of

sport

events. Admittedly, global sports champions do not only provide

audience

Suggestion

audiences

the audience

with the perfect opportunities to enjoy the excellent performance of athletes but

also

assist host countries a perfect chance to present the success of the event in front of

globally

Suggestion

global

political and business leaders who are highly likely to watch live broadcast via satellite sensors.

However

, squandering money for supporting competitors to enrol worldwide

sport

competitions seems to bring little actual

affect

a phenomenon that follows and is caused by some previous phenomenon

effect

general public

Suggestion

the general public

. It is largely because there are only a few top athletes having the chance to win the

medals but

Accept comma addition

medals, but

their routine training demands high-standard facilities which can hardly be used by ordinary people. Inclusion, when countries raise

fund

Suggestion

funds

for sports or celebrate the victory of their athletes, they should not neglect the fact that many children are in great need of sports facilities.

Submitted by Thanh on Mon May 13 2019

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

296 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many countries are spending a huge amount of money on supporting their competitor to take part in some worldwide sports competitions. Others argue that it would be better if these countries can spend the money on children to take part in sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

pie chart about difference in population three age groups in italy and yemene between 2000 and 2050

When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.