IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think governments are responsible for peoples health, others believe its an indiviuduals responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

    Healthcare remains a very crucial part of out basic amenities. The topic of whether or not people or the government should be held accountable for issues
partaining
be relevant to
pertaining
 to
health
Use synonyms
,  remains very controversial. In my opinion, the government should be solely in charge of the
health
Use synonyms
 of its citizens at all times.     On one hand,
health
Use synonyms
 care as well as the funding for the research into cures and vaccines are expensive. Private firms and singular entities cannot bear the burden alone.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the cost of hospital admissions, investigations and medications would cripple the finances of the individual without
governemt
the organization that is the governing authority of a political unit
government
 aid and policies. All fingers are not equal,
therefore
Linking Words
, the government plays a huge role by providing subsidized care to patients in its publicly funded facilities. People cannot afford to pay for most of the services because of financial constraints. 
For example
Linking Words
, data from a survey carried out by the World
Health
Use synonyms
 Organization
,
Accept space
,
 in Nigeria
,
Accept space
,
 in 2013, revealed that many Nigerians depend entirely on the presidency to access excellent medical care.     
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people are the masters of their bodies. Most diseases in the world today are preventable,
that is
Linking Words
, they are mostly caused by poor lifestyle choices. Individuals should inculcate the habit of proper diet, exercise and regular medical checkups to keep fit and
also
Linking Words
  to detect illnesses in the early stages.    In conclusion, while some are of the opinion that governments should be responsible for
health
Use synonyms
, others are of the school of thought that it rests on the individual. I believe that it is the  responsibility of the state to cater for the
health
Use synonyms
 of all its nationals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: