Violence among young people has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. This rise moves in tandem with a growth in violent media. Thus, the conclusion can be drawn that violent media is the main cause of violence among young people. Refute this claim.

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Over the past 5 decades, there has been an upsurge in crime rates among young adults, so, many people believe that

this

is due to the presence of violent media. In my view, I believe

this

is not completely correct since people have the right to choose what to watch and who to associate with. It is true that there is an increase in the presence of violent media making people believe that, the consequence is, a rise in unacceptable

behaviors

manner of acting or controlling yourself

behaviour

among young people, but I disagree. People have the power of choice, so, they can decide what to watch.

For instance

, they have the right to make decisions on their own, so, they can as well choose to watch only images that portray positive

behavior

manner of acting or controlling yourself

behaviour

. Another reason why I disagree with the opinion of young people acting based on what they watch is that, youths are prone to the use of banned substances,

such

as marijuana, cannabis, and cocaine.

For example

, the constant use of these illicit substances interferes with the functioning of the Central Nervous System, which eventually causes behavioural attitudes that are violent.

Finally

, people have the freedom of association

Accept space

they choose who to relate with.

Therefore

, if young adults decide to associate with their peers who exhibit acceptable

behaviors

manner of acting or controlling yourself

behaviours

behaviour

Accept space

then

, the issue of violent media solely leading to a rise in violent

behaviors

manner of acting or controlling yourself

behaviour

behaviours

among youths cannot be substantiated. So, the association youths keep is one of the factors that eventually determines how they act, think, and behave. In conclusion, despite many people holding the notion of young adults being totally influenced by a rise in violent media, I believe,

however

, that the company youths keep

Suggestion

going

a long way in influencing their actions, as well as knowing that adults have the right to decide what relationships they should keep.

Submitted by philiporobosa on Sat May 18 2019

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

301 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Violence among young people has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. This rise moves in tandem with a growth in violent media. Thus, the conclusion can be drawn that violent media is the main cause of violence among young people. Refute this claim.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In their advertising businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this, do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agreee or disagree?

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree. You should write at least 250 words.