IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.

#crime #countries #world #people #trend
It has appeared that the rate of criminal acts found among the youth as increased in leaps and bounds in the nationals of the world. The causes of
this
plural of "this"
these
 appear to be focused on two
area
Suggestion
areas
, and a number of solutions are possible. On one hand, lack of parent
up bringing
properties acquired during a person's formative years
upbringing
 of their children.
This
go
Suggestion
goes
is going
 a long way in their behaviour at home and the societies at large.
Most crime
Suggestion
Most criminals
 committed by the young one today are traceable to their up
bring
the state or fact of existing
being
boring
. Another cause is the failure of the government in policies making that will take the youth out of the street.
This
 can be seen in
area
Suggestion
the area
 where adolescents are unemployed nothing take their precious time which they have used to perpetuate dubious acts that had inflated the countries of the world. Turning to the possible solutions, obvious step would be taken by parent to restore moral values to their children.
This
 can go a long way of crime reduction. Youth should be train
on
Suggestion
of
 the consequences that follow those involve in criminal acts. A
second
 remedy might be for the states should look into the policies that they are making. They might consider implementing laws that would control the use of their devices (animation), make
rooms
Suggestion
room
 for jobs creation for the youth. In conclusion, factors of poor
parents
Suggestion
parent
 training and
in ability
lack of ability (especially mental ability) to do something
inability
 of the government to make proper policies for the young one appear to be the main causes. A coordinated response by the parents and states might be a
well
Suggestion
good
lessen
a unit of instruction
lesson
 to the severity of the situation.
Submitted by jamesofen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: