IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people use the internet to search for solutions to their medical problems. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples from your experience.

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Nowadays, people opt for
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 in order to find out the
solution
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solutions
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for
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to
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 their health
issue
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issues
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. In my opinion,
this
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 is a detrimental approach unless having low-level diseases and
this
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 essay will discuss
reasons
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the reasons
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of
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for
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 it in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, to search for any remedy or solution for a
disease
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 by using
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internet
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the internet
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 is a
cynic
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cynical
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 way of treatment.
This
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 is because every
disease
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 has its own background reasons and medical
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specialist
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specialists
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 and if it
is diagnose
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is diagnosed
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 wrongly, there could be
a
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apply
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serious repercussions on the health of a patient.
For example
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, a study by
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the medical
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medical sciences institute
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Medical Sciences Institute
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 of California has reported that
,
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apply
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 patients who use other sources rather than medical
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specialist
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specialists
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 for curing their diseases are acquiring the rise in their
illness
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illnesses
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. Another reason is that
,
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apply
show examples
 people have graduated from
specific
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a specific
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 field in
medical
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medicine
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 and have
in depth
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in-depth
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 knowledge about it.
This
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 means every
disease
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 needs a proper analysis from a medical
specialist
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 unless it is
very
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a very
the very
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 low-level
disease
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.
Furthermore
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, in my opinion, for low-level diseases
such
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 as fever, cough, and headache up to a low-level we could take medicines by looking at some other sources.
However
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, beyond
this
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, there should always be a proper medical checkup and treatment from a medical expert. There are chances to avail wrong medicine
as a result
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 of
lack
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a lack
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 of proper knowledge.
For instance
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, recently, my friend who was having
low
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a low
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B.P
Correct your spelling
B.P.
 problem
,
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apply
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 took “Calcee”, which
makes
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made
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 him hospitalized,
later
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and later
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 found out that his
B.P
Correct your spelling
B.P.
 was high. In summary, searching
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internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 for personal medical
issue
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issues
show examples
 can result in adverse outcomes. Meanwhile, in my view, for a very level
disease
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internet
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 can
be search
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be searched
show examples
 but beyond which there should always be a medical
specialist
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 treatment.

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task achievement
Try to include a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses whether this trend is overall positive or negative. This will help clarify your position to the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to provide smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Phrases that guide the reader through your argument will improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion could be a little stronger. Summarize your main points more succinctly and restate your opinion clearly. This ties the essay together nicely.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples from your personal experience, which adds weight to your argument and makes it relatable.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach. You discuss when it may be appropriate to use the Internet for low-level health issues.
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