IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. Do you agree or disagree

#teenagers #parents #time #work #children
The nuclear family is much different from that was in the past. There is a significant decrease in
the number
Suggestion
the amount
 of
time
 parents allocate to their children. Many people argue
this
 would have a negative correlation with juvenile social abnormalities.
This
 will be proven by looking at how the absence of dual-income parents leads to anxiety as well as detrimental to mind
welfare
Suggestion
the welfare
 for their offspring.
First
 and for most, childhood is a formative period of
lifespan
Suggestion
the lifespan
life span
. Parents who leave their children due to their busy work schedules induce their children to feel
of
Suggestion
about
abandon
Suggestion
abandoning
 which leads to suffering more anxiety in their individual life.
This
 can
be more seen in
Suggestion
be seen in more
 American teenagers who are brought up by foster parents. It is clear that guardians cannot offer
youngster
Suggestion
youngster's
 real passion.
Thus
, as statistic reveals, the number of youth afflicted with social problems
increase
Suggestion
increases
 in these family.
Secondly
, parents act as supervision while children devote the copious amount of
time
 plug to computer games as well as virtual space. As an example, neglectful parents
don
engage in
do
 not budget their
time
 interacting with their children.
This
 could encourage teenage children to spend too much
time
 in virtual space which increases the risk of children falling victim crime and lead to a social problem as well.
Consequently
, it is obvious how the absence of parents
have
Suggestion
has
 negative ramification on children social welfare. To conclude, while parents are the breadwinner, they spend too much
time
 at work rather than with their offspring,
hence
, it causes a negative impact on the children`s social development.
This
 is due to lack of supervision and family integrity as well.
Submitted by dhondi.srikanth on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: