IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is noticeable that consuming fast
food
Use synonyms
 on a prolonged basis will develop various diseases. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, some countries plan to increase the
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 measure,
however
Linking Words
, is neither efficient nor effective in my opinion. Imposing a higher
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 only has a marginal impact on preventing people from eating too much junk
food
Use synonyms
. For ordinary people, the low
price
Use synonyms
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 is not the primary reason for them to choose
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
. Most of them prefer fast
food
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of healthy
food
Use synonyms
 just because they put convenience on a higher priority than health.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 an increment
on
Suggestion
of
tax
Use synonyms
 will result in a higher
price
Use synonyms
, many consumers may still choose fast
food
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people choose fast
food
Use synonyms
 because they do not have alternatives. Healthy
food
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as organic
food
Use synonyms
, usually have a higher
price
Use synonyms
 which might not be affordable for those people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if the
price
Use synonyms
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 goes higher, there will be much fewer choices of foods for them, which will eventually lead them to a harder life. Compared with increasing
tax
Use synonyms
, making healthy
food
Use synonyms
 more convenient and more affordable to citizens might be a better solution for government. Exerting an excessive amount of Interference in the market could cause damage to the local economy. The government,
therefore
Linking Words
, should try to avoid
such
Linking Words
risky
Suggestion
risks
risk
 behaviour.
Instead
Linking Words
, they can encourage the consumption of healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the commercial cultivation of organic foods can be facilitated so that consumers can buy healthy foods with lower
price
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, spending the budget on promoting a healthy lifestyle through education and training to consumers is another practical solution for the problem caused by fast
food
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, to cope with the health issue caused by an excessive consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
, the government should focus on advertising the healthy lifestyle to the citizen, rather than simply charging a higher
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Dammy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: