IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people think that only way to judge someone's success in business is by the amount of money they make. Is money a true indicator of success of a business? In what other ways could success in a business be measured?

#people #judge #someone #success #business #amount #money #indicator
It is believed by some people that people's
success
 in
business
 is always
measued
having notes of fixed rhythmic value
measured
 in terms of how much
money
 they earned. In my opinion,
money
 is the most valuable indicator of
success
 of a
business
. There are many ways taken
in to
expresses motion to a point on, or within, something
into
 account to determine the
success
 of
business
.
This
 essay will delve
in to
expresses motion to a point on, or within, something
into
 these aspects with
relevent
having a bearing on or connection with the subject at issue
relevant
 examples to support my view. To commence with,
money
 is
cosidered
carefully weighed
considered
 as the
prodominant
most frequent or common
predominant
 factor in deciding the
success
 of a
business
.
In other words
,
company's profit
Suggestion
the company's profit
 and market shares are two key factors which decided the
success
 of a
business
 nowadays. To exemplify,
last
Suggestion
Last
 year economic
india
a republic in the Asian subcontinent in southern Asia; second most populous country in the world; achieved independence from the United Kingdom in 1947
India
 had declared
samsung
(Old Testament) a judge of Israel who performed herculean feats of strength against the Philistines until he was betrayed to them by his mistress Delilah
Samson
Samsung
 as the most successful mobile manufacturer because of the huge turnover
money
 and elevated market shares. It is
vivdly
in a vivid manner
vividly
 evident that
money
 is
indispensible and crucial factor
Suggestion
an indispensable and crucial factor
indispensable and crucial factor
 while deciding the
success
. There are other factors which is directly
propotional
properly related in size or degree or other measurable characteristics; usually followed by 'to'
proportional
proportionate
 to
success
.
Firstly
, the total size of employees working in an organization. If
organization
Suggestion
an organization
 runs
successfully
Accept comma addition
successfully, then
then
 it would hire more employees and
increade
become bigger or greater in amount
increase
 their benefits.
Secondly
, the
colleaboration
act of working jointly
collaboration
collaborations
 with overseas clients and other company's
also
 an
imporatant
of great significance or value
important
 point to measure the
success
. To elucidate, a
successfull
having succeeded or being marked by a favorable outcome
successful
 organization might have more
contacts
Suggestion
contact
 with clients and
company's
Suggestion
the company's
 due to its
successfull
having succeeded or being marked by a favorable outcome
successful
business
 and quality of the product.
Thus
,
success
 is a combination of all these factors components
.
Accept space
.
 In conclusion,
although
money
 is the effective way to measure the
success
 of
business
, there are many other methods to tackle the
success
.
Organization
Suggestion
An organization
The organization
 has to maintain all the discussed factors to attain
success
.
Submitted by lijiac020 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!