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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer to provide help and support directly to those in need. Others however prefer to give money to national and international charitable organizations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #support #money #organizations
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While some individuals choose to give help and
support
Use synonyms
 directly to the needy
,
Accept space
,
others would rather offer
money
Use synonyms
 to national and international charitable organizations.
Although
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
giving
money
Use synonyms
 personally to people who need them creates a relationship between the donor and
reciepient
a person who receives something
recipient
 and ensures that the monies are used for its purpose
,
Accept space
,
charitable organizations guarantee fair and equal distribution of funds for needy people and in my opinion
,
Accept space
,
this
Linking Words
 is the best method of rendering help. One the one hand
,
Accept space
,
offering help directly to those in need ensures that these funds
gets
Suggestion
get
 to the individual in due time.
This
Linking Words
 is because it boycotts the barrage of paperwork associated with
release
Suggestion
the release
 of funds in charitable organizations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
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,
it prevents incidences of embezzlement of
money
Use synonyms
 and corruption because there is no
middleman
Accept comma addition
middle man, therefore
middle man therefore
therefore
Linking Words
,
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,
the
money
Use synonyms
 is handed over to the individual who needs it.
For example
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
over the
last
Linking Words
 three months
,
Accept space
,
two directors of Non-
govermental
relating to or dealing with the affairs or structure of government or politics or the state
governmental
 organizations have been probed by the economic and financial crimes commission because it was observed that while people donate large sums of
money
Use synonyms
 towards helping the poor
,
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,
these men line their pockets with these funds
,
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,
giving only a minor fraction to the less privileged.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 think that giving monies to charitable organizations is a better way of rendering help because it eliminates bias and ensures fairness in the distribution of resources.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
people may decide to give
money
Use synonyms
 to only people who they like or who look a certain way.
Linking Words
Also many
Accept comma addition
Also, many
 people may end up providing help and
support
Use synonyms
 to the same individual without knowing
thus
Linking Words
 while one person gets
alot
Suggestion
a lot
 of help
,
Accept space
,
other needy persons are neglected. Charitable organization
Linking Words
also ensure
Suggestion
also ensures
 that a larger number of persons can be helped.
This
Linking Words
 is because they are more
organised
Accept comma addition
organised, therefore
therefore
Linking Words
 they can
recieve
get something; come into possession of
receive
 help and
support
Use synonyms
 from all over the world and reach out to people not only in their vicinities but
also
Linking Words
 in other underdeveloped countries. In
comclusion
a position or opinion or judgment reached after consideration
conclusion
conclusions
,
Accept space
,
while peoples opinion may vary
on
Suggestion
with
 the choice of whether to offer help and
support
Use synonyms
 in person or through national and international charitable organizations
,
Accept space
,
I strongly believe that the latter is much better as resources can be fairly distributed and a larger number of
person
Suggestion
people
persons
 can be helped.
Submitted by rachaeloneh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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