IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters such as food, clothes and entertainment is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decision
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In
this
 modern world,
people
 are allowing
children
 to make their own
decisions
 on living, sports and entertainment
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
resulting
children
Change preposition
in children
show examples
in
Add a missing verb
being in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 state of selfishness . on the other side, some
people
 believe that they want the
children
 to make
decisions
 about matters that bring change in them. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides of public opinion.
Firstly
, I will discuss, why
people
 think it is leading to a society of
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
selfishness and
secondly
, I will explore
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
decisions
 that affect
children
. First of all, everybody should give freedom to
children
 to make their own
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
. But, some
people
 believe that
this
 is leading
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 society that thinks only about their own wishes.
for example
, my younger brother, who is 8 years old, always wants to watch his favourite shows. if we try to change the show, he will be frustrated and depressed.
this
 kind of attitude doesn't help him in the long run. recent implication found that the
children
 whose age is less than 10 are more likely to get depressed because of
this
 kind of
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
.
on the other hand
, many
people
 believe that
children
 are allowed to make their own
decisions
 that affect them.
for instance
, my elder brother, who is an entrepreneur, working on climate research and building a product that pollution. He started
this
 when he
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 12 years old.
as a result
, he got exposure to the different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of situations in everyday life
and
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 can be dealt with
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
easily. In my opinion,
children
 should have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 individual
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to make their own
decisions
 but they should not forget
giving
Change the verb form
to give
show examples
 back to their society
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 helping
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 are underprivileged.
Submitted by sumanthkadulla on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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