IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries, people are not taking care of their elderly relatives but seeking help of professionals to look after them. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Describe your views and give examples from your own life.

#countries #people #care #relatives #professionals #development #life
Ageing is a natural process, by which all human beings pass. Taking help of
caregiver
Suggestion
the caregiver
 has become common nowadays. People use their services in order to take
care
 of their family members and relatives. To hire a professional to take
care
 of older adults, and shelter homes for them should be considered as a positive development. Hiring professionals for older adults is becoming necessary in the recent century. At
this
 age, most people suffer from
different kind
Suggestion
different kinds
a different kind
 of social and medical issues, like loneliness, depression, guilt,
overthinking
 and another kind of medical problems like diabetes, BP, heart problems and neurological issues. They think in
such
 type of
satuations mild
Accept comma addition
situations, mild
situations mild
 negligence can lead to a bigger problem.
For example
, for the
paralyzed
affected with paralysis
paralysed
 patient in developing countries, it's impossible for a family member to give them proper
care
 and attention. They always need some professionals to provide them with appropriate
care
. In, old age houses, all facilities are available
such
 as an adequate diet with
care
 and substance to keep them busy. But there are mild adverse effects as
well which
Accept comma addition
well, which
can not
can not
cannot
 be overlooked. In
this
 age, older people want love,
care
 and attention from their families. They
can not
can not
cannot
 trust anyone else. They want to share their experiences and memories with their people And if the family is unable to give them enough time they may be suffering from more anxiety. In 2007, a research published by Asian times showed that recovery rate among older people who are fully supported was higher,
than
subsequently or soon afterward (often used as sentence connectors)
then
 people living in nursing homes. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the positive effects are more than adverse effects. We were living in the 21st century, and all of us are dealing with our problems. So, in
this
 busy schedule, proper
care
, time and attention cannot be provided to them.
Submitted by humairashehla09 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!