IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As well as making money, many people believe that business also have responsibilities to society. To what extent do you agree?

#money #people #business #responsibilities #society
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Businesses have
responsibility
Suggestion
a responsibility
responsibilities
the responsibility
 to
society
Use synonyms
 about what they offer. The main purpose of running a
bussiness
a commercial or industrial enterprise and the people who constitute it
business
 is to earn
alot
Suggestion
a lot
 of money and to be successful. Though
that is
Linking Words
 the case, it is a fact that they impact
majority
Suggestion
the majority
a majority
 of the
society
Use synonyms
 either in a good way or a bad way. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the responsibility of businesses to
society
Use synonyms
 will be discussed.
Bussinesses
Suggestion
Businesses
 are run by people, who majority of the
times
Suggestion
time
don't consider
Suggestion
doesn't consider
 about how they are going to affect the public. Some of them go to
such
Linking Words
 an extent to sell their products, which are clearly harmful, by false advertising them to their targeted audiences or
general public
Suggestion
the general public
.
For example
Linking Words
, drinks
such
Linking Words
 as Pepsi have an extremely high amounts of sugar, and
hence
Linking Words
 clearly not safe for us human
biengs
the state or fact of existing
beings
, but even
then
Linking Words
 people all around the world don't consider the consequences and drink them, some of them
cosume
eat immoderately
consume
 these drinks too often that it leads to health issues. Some products are advertised in
such
Linking Words
 a way that the people who are exposed to these ads might get extremely insecure about themselves, go into depression or in some extreme cases, might even be
sucidal
dangerous to yourself or your interests
suicidal
. But
such
Linking Words
 companies wouldn't back off and stop selling those products because
to
Suggestion
of
 them rather than the lives of the people, earning money by leeching off of the insecure ones
is
Suggestion
are
 more important.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is
this
Linking Words
 brand called Fair And Lovely, and they sell skin whitening products. When I was a kid, I used to come across their
pruducts
commodities offered for sale
products
product
 and their
advertsements
a public promotion of some product or service
advertisements
adverts
 quite often and that lead to me
bieng
the state or fact of existing
being
been
 insecure about myself and the colour of my skin. I was ashamed of myself and went on for a long time and even reached to the point when I wanted to cut myself and peel off my skin. In summary, for the ones that run their businesses, though the goal is to gain huge margins of profit and money, they should be aware of the power that they hold over the
society
Use synonyms
 and
hence
Linking Words
 should have responsibilities to the
society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rameshiriset123 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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