IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important and should it be preserved or is international music that is heard everywhere nowadays more useful to a society?

#music #world #country #society
It is irrefutable in every part of
world
Suggestion
the world
, there is
music
 and every culture have its own style of
music
.
Music
 has been quite valuable from ancient times and plays an important role in
humans’
Suggestion
human
life
. Ranging from traditional
music
 to
international we
Accept comma addition
international, we
 have a variety of option to like. In
this
 essay, requirement and importance of traditional and international will be
discuss
Suggestion
discussed
discussing
 in the following paragraphs. In today’s world,
music
 is necessary to have a mental stability and balance in our
life
.
Music
 plays a vital role in our day
today
Suggestion
to day
life including
Accept comma addition
life, including
 meditation, entertainment and in many more activities.
In addition
 to that,
music
 act as a stress
reliever sometimes
Accept comma addition
reliever, sometimes
,
for instance
, shopping malls often play
music
 at low sound to make a customer feel good. From the studies, it has been proven that malls which introduce musical activities for the public increases the sales level double as compare with malls without
music
 system.
Music
 has changed drastically from ancient times with the increase in
number
Suggestion
the number
 of instruments used. I would say old-style
music
carry
Suggestion
carries
limited number
Suggestion
a limited number
 of instruments as compare with western one. For illustration, in Indian
music
 the main instrument is
table
Suggestion
a table
 which helps the musician to create
music
 and it has its own cultural value.
Although
 on the flip side, international
such
 as western
music
 needs guitar, piano and many more instruments to form a band. In conclusion, without
music
Accept comma addition
music, life
life
 could be dull and uninteresting. We should preserve the traditional
music
 to maintain our traditional values.
Although
 it is difficult to say which one holds more importance as both have own logic and senses.
Submitted by bhat.vishal89 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: