IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say the most important thing about being rich is that it give back or help the poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people
Nowadays, it is indubitable that
money
 is everything in
this
 world for
anyone whether
Accept comma addition
anyone, whether
 a person is rich or poor. Some believe that affluent people have
opportunity
Suggestion
an opportunity
the opportunity
 to help poor in terms of
money
.
However
, I disagree with the statement because, in my view, monetary help is not enough to underprivileged. I will discuss
number
Suggestion
a number
the number
 of ways to provide helping hand to overcome their present condition. At
first
 place, financial help could solve many problems of poor but it will not
last
 forever.
In other words
,
instead
 of providing monetary support, it is better to help them with other means like education, skills development. It would
last
 forever with them,
hence
, overcoming their current scenario is easy.
For example
, one of my
friend
Suggestion
friends
have started
Suggestion
has started
slum nursery program
Suggestion
a slum nursery program
the slum nursery program
slum nursery programs
, on their own, to teach
childrens
a young person of either sex
children
 of
slum
Suggestion
the slum
. He even saved
money
 for their
books
Suggestion
book
 expenses. These small approaches are plausible in
ever
(used of count nouns) each and all of the members of a group considered singly and without exception
every
 way.
On the other hand
, sometimes natural calamities like drought, earthquake, flood create
vulnerable situation
Suggestion
a vulnerable situation
 for the citizen of affected areas.
Furthermore
, natural
disaster's
Suggestion
disaster
 victims, they do not only require
finances but
Accept comma addition
finances, but
also
 require moral support. The best approach is, by making our presence with them, and provide them with
regualr
in accordance with fixed order or procedure or principle
regular
 need items like food, water,
first
-aid, cloth etc. In conclusion,
money
 is
imperative factor
Suggestion
an imperative factor
 to live
life but
Accept comma addition
life, but
 we cannot take
this
 mean as for granted because monetary help would be short lived. Being rich is not mandatory to alleviate the problems of a person who is in need. Any
individual whether
Accept comma addition
individual, whether
 it be students, working professionals, could provide support on their level.
Submitted by ankupandey03 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: