IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

more and more people are choosing healthy eating and regular exercise. why? what can we do to encourage this?

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A growing number of
individuals
Use synonyms
 have started taking up a healthy diet and regular exercising, which could have positive effects on their
overall
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 well-being. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss some possible causes,
as well as
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 methods that can be adopted to encourage
this
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 trend. There are two reasons behind
people
Use synonyms
’s increasing preference for working out and a balanced diet. First of all,
individuals
Use synonyms
 nowadays are more educated about the connection of their lifestyle with their well-being. Information is abundant and
people
Use synonyms
 can get all kinds of knowledge instantly, including the impacts of nutrient intake and physical activities on their bodies.
Consequently
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, habits which can contribute to a healthier life have gained considerable popularity.
Secondly
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, living conditions have improved,
thus
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,
individuals
Use synonyms
 are more likely to spend on matters that are of secondary importance like looks. It is a fact that a nutritious diet is more costly than fast foods,
therefore
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, only
people
Use synonyms
 who are beyond the threshold of livelihood can spend their money on bettering their lifestyles. As consuming healthy foods and exercising are beneficial to
individuals
Use synonyms
’ well-being, a plethora of methods can be employed to incentivize
people
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’s commitment to
this
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 trend.
First,
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making physical activities mandatory in a school and an office setting can help convert sedentary
people
Use synonyms
 into more active
individuals
Use synonyms
. No matter how long the exercise is, as long as it gets
individuals
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 up and working out, over time, they will form the habit of doing physical activities.
Moreover
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, the government should offer free exercise facilities,
such
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 as communal gyms to all citizens to encourage less fortunate
people
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 to participate.
Last
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 but not least, decreasing the tax on healthy foods can support
people
Use synonyms
’s intake of these kinds of foodstuff,
instead
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 of veering toward unhealthy choices,
such
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 as fast food. All in all, the improved living conditions and easy access to information are the causes behind the increased interest in healthy lifestyles.
Moreover
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, as
this
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 is a positive trend, measures can be taken to encourage its widespread adoption.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your main points, especially when discussing the impact of government initiatives or specific educational programs.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the linking phrases between paragraphs to improve the overall flow, making connections clearer to the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to conclude each paragraph with a strong statement that reinforces its main idea, helping to guide the reader effectively through your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the prompt effectively, discussing causes and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets a good framework for the discussion that follows.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exercise regimen
  • personal goals
  • individual pace
  • convenience
  • motivation
  • peer pressure
  • structured classes
  • social dynamics
  • accountability
  • external motivation
  • self-discipline
  • peer support
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