Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

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It cannot be denied that more and more celebrities emerge every corner of the mass media due to the sumptuous and the power of the rich, for which, their achievements of the

one

Use synonyms

who make every effort faded away.

As a result

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, I totally agree that

this

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issue

put

Suggestion

the bad horizon on young people but it

also

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make young people’s life be more perfect. On the

one

Use synonyms

hand, I believe that many people do achieve fame even they did not really work hard. They may be inherited the huge posses from their parents or married wealthy as long as

famous person.

Suggestion

Moreover

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, they must have

use

Suggestion

the power of the journalism which has the massive labor being ready to create their perfect appearances. Adolescences will prone to be attracted by a flat of the

one

Use synonyms

who easily

achieve

Suggestion

something without the requirement of effort .

Consequently

Linking Words

such

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people will be full of thoughts that they do not really need to try their best to gain something, which lead to

degrade

Suggestion

of national labor as well as the economic. The other side of

this

Linking Words

coin, I agree with the

perceptive

Suggestion

that there are

also

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lots of success stemming from the

one

Use synonyms

who really put 200% effort, which make them have the excellent role on young people’s targets.

First

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, these

advises

Suggestion

from negotiations that famous people usually appear have the capacity of motivating teenagers.

Secondly

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such

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people have enough qualifications to instruct young people some strategies and experiences so that they can move more easily on their career paths. To sum up, it seems to me that

this

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issue

have

Suggestion

both of coin including negative as well as positive influences on young people.

Submitted by thanhnguyen01051973 on Tue Jun 11 2019

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

It cannot be denied that more and more celebrities emerge every corner of the mass media due to the sumptuous and the power of the rich, for which, their achievements of the one who make every effort faded away. As a result, I totally agree that this issue put the bad horizon on young people but it also make young people’s life be more perfect.On the one hand, I believe that many people do achieve fame even they did not really work hard. They may be inherited the huge posses from their parents or married wealthy as long as famous person. Moreover, they must have use the power of the journalism which has the massive labor being ready to create their perfect appearances. Adolescences will prone to be attracted by a flat of the one who easily achieve something without the requirement of effort . Consequently, such people will be full of thoughts that they do not really need to try their best to gain something, which lead to degrade of national labor as well as the economic.The other side of this coin, I agree with the perceptive that there are also lots of success stemming from the one who really put 200% effort, which make them have the excellent role on young people’s targets. First, these advises from negotiations that famous people usually appear have the capacity of motivating teenagers. Secondly, such people have enough qualifications to instruct young people some strategies and experiences so that they can move more easily on their career paths.To sum up, it seems to me that this issue have both of coin including negative as well as positive influences on young people. paragraphs

282 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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