IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

“Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion”

#“some #people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #activity #opinion”
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that there is a widespread concern over the
practice
Use synonyms
 of extreme sports on safety grounds.
As a result
Linking Words
, it does not seem so surprising that many people argue that authority agencies should ban athletes from playing dangerous sports. Whereas, I still believe that people should be free to
practice
Use synonyms
 if they so wish. On the one hand, there are many reasons coined to explain why the government should introduce an official restriction on the one who plays dangerous sports. The main reason is safety. There have been numerous incidents that members of rescue services have had to put their own life into risks in order to save extreme sports enthusiasts who are in life-threatening. Another factor is the degradation of the high quality of national
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
. Someone does not have enough
experience but
Accept comma addition
experience, but
 they
also
Linking Words
 take up these sports because of their passion sometimes prone to have eternal trauma which can lead to lost the ability to carry on their work.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I concur with those who argue that people should be free to
chose
Suggestion
choose
 whatever
sports
Suggestion
sport
 as long as they really like.
Firstly
Linking Words
, nowadays, the explosion in technology has made essential sport
gear which
Accept comma addition
gear, which
 has the capacity of protecting those who
practice
Use synonyms
 unhealthy sports takes off.
Such
Linking Words
 equipments range from safety ropes and helmets
to
Suggestion
of
 water-resistant clothing.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is a great importance of the freedom when people decide to
practice
Use synonyms
 something they like, which can create more and more opportunities for
such
Linking Words
 people to promote all of their ability. To sum up,
although
Linking Words
 many risks have been estimated but it seems to me that there are more advantages when the government let people
practice
Use synonyms
 what they like.
Submitted by thanhnguyen01051973 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: