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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced many other activities that people used to choose as their hobby. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

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Go shopping has become more and more common for
people
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 nowadays. For many
people
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, it is considered a
hobby
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. In my
opnion
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opinion
, it can lead to bad consequences.
This
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 essay will discuss some reasons for
this
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 phenomenon and the negative consequences that it can lead us
.
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to.
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Regard
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With regard
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 to the reasons for
this
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, it could be thought the increase in advertising and the fast growth and development of shopping centres.
Firstly
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, the higher use of smartphones and the evolution of social media are leading us to see high levels of ads every day.
For example
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, it is common to look at Instagram for hours a day, and it contains a lot of advertisements.
Thus
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, humans are being stimulated to consume and buy new things more and more.
Secondly
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, shopping centres have become more comfortable and with a lot of facilities currently,
for instance
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, there are some places where parents can let their kids play
while
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 they go shopping at the mall.
Consequently
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, it became more easy an funny to go shopping at the mall. In spite of
this
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, using shopping as a
hobby
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 can be very negative, because you can spend a lot of money and generate more garbage.
Moreover
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, replacing other activities with shopping can be very unhealthy, because there are no benefits for health on shopping.
For example
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, you could do a sport or read a book
instead
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 of buying new things. So using shopping as a
hobby
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 can be considered a negative development.
To sum up
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, the reasons for more and more
people
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 shopping as a
hobby
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 can be the growing levels of advertisement and the evolving of shopping centres and malls, and
this
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 might lead to bad consequences for
people
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.

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structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. State the thesis clearly in the introduction and summarise the main points in the conclusion.
coherence
Improve logical structure by using more cohesive devices and transition words to connect points and ideas more naturally throughout the essay.
development
Expand and elaborate on the main points with more specific and varied examples. This will enhance the development of ideas and support for your arguments.
task response
Address both parts of the prompt fully. While you have provided reasons for the trend, the discussion on whether it's positive or negative could be more balanced and detailed.
grammar
Check for and correct grammatical errors and typos to increase the overall readability and professionalism of your essay. This includes using appropriate verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumerism
  • Retail therapy
  • Materialism
  • Recreational activity
  • Social media influence
  • Advertising
  • Convenience
  • Online shopping
  • Commercial spaces
  • Disposable income
  • Hobby
  • Leisure time
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Technological advancements
  • Trends
  • Material possessions
  • Personal worth
  • Stress relief
  • Societal shift
  • Entertainment factor
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