More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays

obesity

becoming a critical problem in the world, but children from

developed

Suggestion

developing

country is facing the issue more than any other part of the world. There are many arguments to state the causes and its consequences. The preponderant reason for

weightgain

Suggestion

weight gain

developed

Suggestion

developing

countries is modern life style of these countries.

People

Suggestion

The people

of these countries have

very busy lifestyle

Suggestion

a very busy lifestyle

and to save

time

they are taking

fastfood

Suggestion

fast food

as their meal. These

fastfood

Suggestion

fast food

is very high

in calories that can

Suggestion

calories that can

fill your stomach in less money and

time

Therefore

Accept comma addition

Therefore, this

this

junkfood

Suggestion

junk food

is the main reason for overweight in developed countries.

Secondly

, children are spending less

time

on physical activities and outdoor games. Due to

ubiquity

Suggestion

the ubiquity

of internet and advanced gadgets, children are spending more and more

time

mobile phone

Suggestion

a mobile phone

the mobile phone

mobile phones

and computers which reduces their physical activity.

Moreover

, they are not aware about

importance

Suggestion

the importance

of outdoor games and physical exercise.

Hence

obesity

has became

Suggestion

has become

critical problem

Suggestion

a critical problem

in developed as well as developing countries.

However

, with the active participation of parents and schools,

this

problem can be solved easily. Parents should take

active interest

Suggestion

an active interest

in child's daily life and

guid

direct the course; determine the direction of travelling

guide

get

guides

them for different outdoor games

similarly

schools should organize different sports

competition which

Accept comma addition

competition, which

encourage students to take part in

such

physically

Suggestion

physical

intense activities.

Additionally

government

Suggestion

the government

should take survey of different area for the

obesity

index and suggest different programs to cure the

obesity

based on requirement.

Finally

, based on the arguments

outlined above one

Suggestion

outlined above, one

can conclude that hectic lifestyle and technological developments

Suggestion

are

the main cause of the

obesity

in developed countries,

however it

Accept comma addition

however, it

can be cured by active participation of government, parents and schools.

Submitted by dpp.2335 on Fri Jun 14 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
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Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

274 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
sedentary
caloric intake
processed foods
fast food culture
screen time
metabolic disorders
healthcare expenditure
lifestyle diseases
preventative strategies
nutritional education
public health policy
body mass index (BMI)
emotional well-being
stigmatization
exercise regimen
eating habits
junk food
socioeconomic factors
health literacy

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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Over time, as children grow older, the relationship they have with their parents changes. In your opinion, what role should parents have in their adult children’s lives?

In the past people used to wear their traditional clothes depending on their culture. Nowadays the trend is changing and people wear different clothes. Is it a positive or negative development? How does it affect certain societies and people’s behaviour?

A lot of places in the word rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern word. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks?

In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?

Organizing tours to promote places and communities is becoming more and more popularity. Is it positive or negative development for the local people and environment？