IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates the percentages of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 aged over 65 in the
USA
Use synonyms
, Japan and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 from 1940 to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion
rate
Use synonyms
 in all three countries showed fluctuation over the period. The
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
sweden
Change the capitalization
Sweden
show examples
along with
Linking Words
 ups and downs in the
rate
Use synonyms
 displayed
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
show examples
 rise over the period,
while
Linking Words
 Japan after a constant low
rate
Use synonyms
 showed a dramatic increase and reached the highest
rate
Use synonyms
 among all three countries by the end of the period. In 1940 the rates of population in Japan,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and the
USA
Use synonyms
 were between 5% to 10%. From initial till 1960 the proportion of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 showed a slight lift and continues to increase till 1980. The
USA
Use synonyms
 from 1980 till

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, sweden, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: