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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The rapid development of communication technology, such as smartphone, tablet, and other mobile devices, has more disadvantages than advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years,
communication
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devices
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,
such
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 as
smartphones
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 or tablets, have been more commonplace in every part of the world. A school of thought holds that the ubiquity of
such
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 technology will do more harm than good. In my opinion, I partly disagree with
this
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 statement because technological tools, if used properly, would bring significant benefits. Critics of modern
communication
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devices
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 argue that their excessive use has led to health and social problems among
users
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. Over-exposure to
smartphones
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 and similar
devices
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 may lead to addiction to social media, which , in the long run, can take a huge toll on
users
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' eyesight.
In particular
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, constant notifications and messages popping up from chatting apps and social media will increase
users
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'
screan
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screen
 time,
thus
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 causing eye strain and redness.
For example
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, a recent survey in Vietnam revealed that over 60% of teenagers spend more than five hours daily on
smartphones
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, leading to headaches and deteriorating vision.
Additionally
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, excessively relying on phones for daily communications may subliminally impair a person's
communication
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 skills
due to
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 the reduction in meaningful face-to-face interactions. Despite the mentioned downsides brought by digital gadgets, these only happen on a subjective level when individuals are not aware of the potential benefits they may gain from the technology. The rapid development of
smartphones
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, tablets and other mobile
devices
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 can, in fact, allow
users
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 to save a considerable amount of time and be more flexible in their work.
For example
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, many joint venture companies and businesses nowadays often work via online meetings, video conferences and phone calls,
thus
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 enhancing workplace efficiency and productivity.
Furthermore
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, the ubiquity of digital gadgets has greatly facilitated the bridging of distances between people across the globe.
Such
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 a trend would help individuals to be in contact with their distant relatives and family members, which is particularly beneficial in the case of overseas study, business trips or military service. In conclusion, notwithstanding the downsides that stem from improper
uses
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use
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,
communication
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devices
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, if used responsibly, should be seen as indispensable tools that enhance both productivity and human connection, rather than sources of harm.

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tip
Keep a clear answer to the question at the start. State your view in the intro and refer back to it in the end.
tip
Add 2 or 3 main points for both sides. Make each point simple and linked to the next with good words like first, also, and finally.
tip
Give more real, easy examples and show how they back the idea. The Vietnam example is good, add one or two more.
tip
Check grammar and spelling. Shorten long sentences and use the past tense or present simply so the meaning is clear.
tip
Use linking words well to show how ideas are tied together. Words like however, moreover, in addition help a lot.
structure
The essay has a clear start, a view, and a conclusion.
content
It gives both sides and a balance in view.
content
The use of examples to support points is good.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ubiquity
  • interpersonal skills
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • over-reliance
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • enhanced accessibility
  • digital literacy
  • usage patterns
  • responsible use
  • drawbacks
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