IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say taxes should be spent on health care. Other people say that there more important priorities for the tax-payers’ money. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

#people #taxes #health #care #priorities #tax-payers’ #money
People
 have differing views when talking about what is best for the
people
’s money.
While
 others think that
health
 care should be the utmost priority and
therefore
 the
budget
 allotted should be increased, in my view, I personally believe that balancing the allocated
budget
 among other sectors
such
 as education, employment, safety and security
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 necessary. On the one hand, I understand the
people
 who agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the given suggestion.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
 care these days almost
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
people
 an arm and leg which makes it hard to access good
health
 assistance.
As a result
, some individuals looked for alternative medicine which is a lot cheaper;
however
, it does not have proven therapeutic claims,
unlikely
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
sometimes;
caused
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
worsening
Correct article usage
the worsening
show examples
 of their
health
 condition. Another reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some remote areas still do not have decent hospitals. To illustrate, some of our fellow
citizen
Change to a plural noun
citizens
show examples
 risked the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of their loved ones or family traveling long
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 in nearby cities to look for better treatment. Be that as it may, I believe that the national
budget
 should be distributed evenly among other industries that are equally important. First of all, education should be one of the primary concerns.
For instance
, by giving awareness and knowledge to
people
, most of these diseases can be prevented.
Secondly
, employment should not be overlooked. If
people
 have
source
Add an article
a source
the source
show examples
 of income they can afford quality medical assistance.
Finally
, safety should not be left out of the context. Because of the proliferation of crimes these days, the security should be doubled and the officials should intensify their move to fight these law offenders. All of these will
be needing
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
 to be done effectively. In general,
although
 I do not refute the idea of allocating tax money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
 care, I still believe that other sectors; education, employment, safety and security need an equal
budget
.
Submitted by jeptachz on

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task response
Ensure that all the main points relate directly to the topic and are fully developed.
coherence cohesion
Use clear transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay. Also, consider providing a clearer structure for your main points.
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