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Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people who commit crimes should be treates in the same as adults who commit crime. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #treates #adults #crime
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It has been suggested that the punishment
on
Suggestion
for
 crimes should be both equal
on
Suggestion
to
 adults as well as the underage people. Even though others may have strong arguments to support
this
, I do not agree on the given statement. On the one hand, I understand some people who agree
on
Suggestion
with
 the given view.
Firstly
, there are reported cases of crime which involved young individuals. At times, these youngsters do not think how serious their
offense
a lack of politeness; a failure to show regard for others; wounding the feelings or others
offence
 was, because most of them only received a warning and got easily acquitted;
consequently
, they will do it again multiple times and the cycle repeat. Another reason is that, they are the target labourers of most syndicate. Because they have some kind of immunity from the law: some took
this
 as an opportunity to gain on their favours.
For instance
, in the Philippines, drug traffickers used children as a mule to transport their contraband to their customers for them not to gain attention and cover their crime.
On the other hand
, I believe that they are still innocent and do not deserve equal punishment. As the aforementioned situation above, some law offenders victimized
this
 individual, because they are an easy target which makes them a victim too. In
fact most
Accept comma addition
fact, most
 of them are either forced or threatened;
therefore
, they are caught in the difficult time wherein they are not given any option but to follow instruction.
Secondly
, we supposed to protect and guide
this people
Suggestion
these people
this person
. The society should not be hard on dealing with them.
For instance
, these young individuals do not have parents to look for as their role model and teach them the right and wrong. Overall,
although
 there are some good arguments to support the given suggestion, I still think that it is not enough reason to receive equal punishment due to some reasons mentioned above.
Submitted by jeptachz444 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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