IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that companies should be allowed to collect data about customers freely, while others believe this practice should be restricted. Discuss both sides of this issue.

#people #companies #data #customers #practice
These days companies collect vast amounts of
information
 about consumers, which has some
favorable
encouraging or approving or pleasing
favourable
 and
unfavorable
not encouraging or approving or pleasing
unfavourable
 consequences. While allowing companies to collect customer data can help them create products that meet consumer demands, regulating
this
 practice may be necessary because customer
information
 is often stolen and/or used dishonestly. Even the most successful companies rarely produce a great product on their
first
 try.
Instead
, they submit their
first
 attempts to rigorous testing so they can improve what they’ve created over time. Collecting data about current and potential customers is an essential component of
this
 process. Companies need to learn as much as possible about what customers like and don’t like, where they live, how old they are, and what they do with their purchase. The internet makes assembling these data easy and efficient, and smart companies take advantage of it. Since
this
 process often leads to useful and enjoyable innovations, it seems reasonable that companies should be allowed to collect the data they need to improve their products. Unfortunately, customer data collection does not always lead to
such
 positive outcomes. There are many examples in the news of financial institutions and large stores whose consumer data has been stolen and used for negative purposes. Companies that collect personal
information
 and credit card numbers are particularly vulnerable to attack because
this
information
 can be used by criminals in a wide variety of ways.
Furthermore
, some companies sell their consumer data to
third
 parties,
such
 as insurance and medical providers, without disclosing
this
 practice to consumers. Even if not technically illegal,
this
 situation suggests that data collection should be restricted in some ways. Until regulations are put in place, we should all assume that everything we do online is public
information
 and that
companies
Suggestion
company
 will use it to enhance their profits. Some of these uses will be for good, while others should be regulated.
Submitted by mojtaba.1986.nasiri on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized
  • targeted
  • advertising
  • improved
  • products
  • services
  • efficient
  • decision-making
  • invasion
  • privacy
  • misuse
  • security
  • risks
  • manipulation
  • discrimination
  • consent
  • control
  • regulation
  • innovation
  • balance
  • convenience
  • implementing
  • protection
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • ethical
What to do next:
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