IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some students work while studying. This often results in lack of time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#students #work #results #lack #time #education #pressure
Undergraduates feel
overpressured
a transient air pressure greater than the surrounding atmospheric pressure
overpressures
overpressure
 and overwhelmed
as a result
 of working while in school.
This
 essay will discuss that the main reason why learners engage in
work
 outside
classroom
Suggestion
the classroom
 is to ease
financial burden
Suggestion
the financial burden
financial burdens
 and
also
 state that creation of financial grant is a viable solution. A very good reason why learners
work
 is to earn extra fund. Working outside school activities gives them am
ability
Suggestion
able
 to earn money that can in turn be used
toboffset
 accomodation bills, living cost and even school loans. Recently, it has been reported by the UK times that tuition fee in the UK is over €12000. A student on scholarship from an average home might not be able to pay for some essential
bills
Accept comma addition
bills, hence
hence
 in the
longrun
Suggestion
long run
 would have no choice than to look for a part-time job to ease
financial burden
Suggestion
the financial burden
financial burdens
a financial burden
.
Furthermore
, gaining
work
 experience is another reason why students venture into jobs outside
classroom
Suggestion
the classroom
.
This
 can help sharpen their
techinical
of or relating to technique or proficiency in a practical skill
technical
-know how skills and
also
 boost their standing in the society after graduating. It is very common to see that 4 out of every 5
influencial
having or exercising influence or power
influential
 graduates from the US have
in
Suggestion
at
 one time or the other in their lives taken up Jobs while still learning even despite being from rich homes.
Employabililty
 skills will
also
 be improved once in the labour market. One viable solution to
this
 big issue is involvement of government in Education. Provision of financial grants by them will enable students
concentrate
Suggestion
to concentrate
 fully on their
studies thereby
Accept comma addition
studies, thereby
 ensuring that they come out with good grades without pressure. To conclude, government focusing on providing monetary
aids to
Accept comma addition
aids, to
 educational bodies and
also
 regulating man hours spent on
work
 will go a long way in solving
this
 big problem faced by learners.
Submitted by Serhii Baraniuk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: