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Band 6.5

Some people think that schools should teach students financial management, while others believe that this is unnecessary. Discuss both views.

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Introduction
Financial literacy plays a vital role in
life
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 regardless of age and gender.
While
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 some argue that it should be taught at school, others believe that it can be acquired through personal
experiences
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views.
Body paragraph 1
Some people advocate that learning how to manage money effectively should be a part of the school curriculum to make the most of it. Provided that young students can grasp the foundation of financial education in schools, they will have chances to experiment
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this
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with this
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 and learn from their mistakes.
For example
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, in some schools, a small market is open where young students can buy and sell snacks so as to apply the financial knowledge they have learnt.
Additionally
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, learning about budgeting, saving and responsible spending in early years will shape them to become financially responsible in adulthood. Without having to learn the lesson the hard way, future generations can make informed financial decisions in their lives, which can bring a lot more benefits to the country’s economy.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is suggested that financial literacy can be easily developed in adult
life
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 through real-
life
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experiences
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. Whether setting up their own business or working in corporate chains, adults will get a taste of financial knowledge and figure it out on their own. The older generations are a prime example of it. Even though there was no formal education in finance, some managed to budget their income well by learning from their mistakes.
Moreover
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, they can receive financial guidance from their seniors and family members, as they can share hands-on
experiences
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 which are feasible for the real world.
Also
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, there is no one-size-fits-all strategy
,
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;
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 the
life
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 lessons and
experiences
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while
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 working can equip them with essential survival
life
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 skills.
Conclusion
In conclusion, structured education can help young people acquire proper money-handling skills,
whereas
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 practical financial management can be gained through personal
experiences
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. Both approaches have their own advantages
and
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, and
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 it is a matter of perspective.

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task response
You discuss both sides clearly, but make your own view more direct in the last paragraph. Say which side you think is stronger, or explain why both should work together.
task response
Develop the school side with one more clear detail. For example, say how a class on saving, loans, or bills can help young people avoid debt later.
task response
The example of a school market is useful. Make it more exact by showing what students learn there, such as setting prices, saving profit, and planning costs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one paragraph for each view, and an ending. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between some ideas. For example, after the school market example, explain more directly how this leads to better money habits as an adult.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences hold too many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
In the second main paragraph, keep the focus on learning through real life. The point about advice from family is good, but explain how it supports learning from experience.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give a fair view of each side.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: school lessons can build early habits, while work and family can teach useful real-life skills.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has a clear topic, and the ideas follow in a sensible order.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will do, and the ending brings both views together.
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