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Band 5.5

Some people think that schools should teach students financial management, while others believe that this is unnecessary. Discuss both views.

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Introduction
Financial literacy plays a vital role in
life
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 regardless of age and gender.
While
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 some argue that it should be taught at school, others believe that it can be acquired through personal
experiences
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views.
Body paragraph 1
Some people advocate that financial management should be included in
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 curriculum to make the most of it. As young students are quick learners, teachers get through it more easily than adults without having to break it down.
Additionally
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, learning about budgeting, saving and responsible spending in early years will shape them to become financially responsible in adulthood. Without having to learn the lesson the hard way, future generations can make informed financial decisions in their lives, which can bring a lot more benefits to the country’s economy.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is suggested that financial literacy can be easily developed in adult
life
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 through real-
life
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experiences
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. Whether setting up their own business or working in corporate chains, adults will get a taste of financial knowledge and figure it out on their own.
Moreover
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, they can receive financial guidance from their seniors and family
members
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members,
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 as they can share hands-on
experiences
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 which are feasible for the real world.
Also
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, there is no
one-size-fit-all
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one-size-fits-all
 strategy
,
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;
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 the
life
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 lessons and
experiences
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while
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 working can equip them with essential survival
life
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 skills.
Conclusion
In conclusion, structured education can help young people acquire proper money-handling skills,
whereas
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 practical financial management can be gained through personal
experiences
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. Both approaches have their own advantages
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is a matter of perspective.

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task response
You discuss both sides clearly, but make your own view more direct in the end. Say which side you agree with, or explain why both should work together.
task response
Develop each main point further. For example, explain what schools can teach: making a budget, saving money, and knowing how debt works. Give one clear example of how this may help a young person.
task response
The second side needs a little more care. Real life can teach people about money, but it can also lead to costly mistakes. Add this point to make the discussion more balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and conclusion. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more smoothly. Some sentences begin with "Additionally", "Moreover", and "Also". Try to connect ideas with cause and result, such as "As a result" or "This means that".
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are not fully linked. For example, explain more clearly why young people learn more easily than adults, and how this leads to better money choices later.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last sentence stronger. Instead of saying it is only a matter of perspective, state a clear final idea about the best way for people to learn financial management.
task response
You answer the question directly and give fair attention to both views.
task response
Your points about budgeting, saving, and spending are useful and closely linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one clear main idea, so the essay is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion both match the main topic and help the essay feel complete.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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