IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centers. It is feared that this trend can bring negative influences on the youths and the society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?

#amount #leisure #time #centers #trend #influences #youths #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays there are more and more malls and everyone, especially younger people spend a lot of their free
time
Use synonyms
 in these places. For the researchers, the increasing of
this
Linking Words
 trend could bring significant problems to the future society. I
am not completely agree
Suggestion
do not completely agree
have not completely agreed
 with
this
Linking Words
 statement because shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
 are evolving and some of them look like small cities where youths can find not just
entertainment but
Accept comma addition
entertainment, but
 interesting activities like cinema and
library
Suggestion
a library
 too and have the possibilities to stay together. It is obvious that would be better if young people would spend their
time
Use synonyms
 outside or doing other
activities but
Accept comma addition
activities, but
 sometimes, especially in big cities during the colder seasons, shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
 are good options. Malls that are developing in these years are not simple groups of stores where is
possible
Suggestion
possibly
 buy everything, but are places where meet people and stay together. Almost every shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
have
Suggestion
has
 a cinema and a big
foods
Suggestion
food
 corner with every type of restaurants, kid areas and bars. Especially in the metropolis, shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
 have become like new
neighborhoods
a surrounding or nearby region
neighbourhoods
 of the city, inside is possible do everything, there are hairdressers, beauty
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
. Concerts and meetings with fans happen every week in these locations. There are many experiences
that
Linking Words
is possible discover
Suggestion
are possible discovering
is possible discover
 and try,
for example
Linking Words
 inside the mall of
Emirates
Suggestion
the Emirates
, at Dubai, in the middle of the desert, is possible to ski. I think that spend free
time
Use synonyms
 outside,
for
Linking Words
example in
Accept comma addition
example, in
 a park or doing a walk across the city would be
certain
Suggestion
certainly
more stimulant
Suggestion
more stimulating
 and fascinating for young people. But in some city is arduous,
for example
Linking Words
 for the safety: in a mall there are always cameras and guards, so I guess that a parent is a bit more quiet knowing that his son is not alone in the street. If the government thinks that spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 in a shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 would be a problem it should do more for youths. Building more spaces where boys and girls can be together and make these accessible to everyone, or free tickets for students for museums or cinemas,
improoving
getting higher or more vigorous
improving
 the green areas with sport courts, playgrounds, panoramic paths or organizing
free music event
Suggestion
a free music event
free music events
 in dedicate spaces, squares or theatres. In
conclusion I
Accept comma addition
conclusion, I
 think that spend free
time
Use synonyms
 in a shopping
center
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 is not a considerable problem for the future society as long as during the day younger do other activities more
construcitives
constructing or tending to construct or improve or promote development
constructive
 for their future.
Submitted by anto.costantino.ac on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: