IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individual and society?

#people #countries #effect #society
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Sleeping is highly important for human physiology which helps them to lead a healthy life. In
lot
Suggestion
a lot
lots
 of countries, individuals sleep much less
time
Use synonyms
 in
compared
Suggestion
comparison
 to previous days. Sleep deprivation mainly arises from an employment which demands lots of
time
Use synonyms
 to be appraised and
also
Linking Words
 from the education which requires more hours to prepare for success. To be a healthy individual, maintenance of the normal biological clock is vital, rather it will result in
health
Use synonyms
 related problems and
also
Linking Words
 affect
economic growth
Suggestion
the economic growth
 of the country. Employment is a main factor which makes people occupied even during their sleeping hours, those of mainly in
health
Use synonyms
 care and call
center
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 jobs. Even though those who involved in sacrifice their
time
Use synonyms
 to provide better care, it is often unfortunate that it affects the
health
Use synonyms
 of the professionals. Loss of sleep for
longer period
Suggestion
longer periods
a longer period
, alters the normal circadian rhythm which eventually helps to keep up the immunity and potentially protect away from illnesses. A study conducted in Russia among night-
time
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
 care workers identified that
health
Use synonyms
 issues like heart disease, blood pressure
were very common in comparison with day
Suggestion
was very common in comparison with day time workers and also found
was very common in comparison with day time workers and also founded
were very common in comparison with day time workers and also found
time
Use synonyms
 workers and
also
Linking Words
 found that mental problems like depression was common. Sleeping for few hours make an individual
feels
Suggestion
feel
 less productive at work and physically weak,
consequently
Linking Words
 resulting in infections resulting from
reduced immune system function
Suggestion
a reduced immune system function
 of the body. Educations’ didactic situation plays a critical role in sleeplessness. Like a semester system of college, students need to work hard to score higher in the exams during those shorter periods.
Further
Linking Words
, demanding hours except lecturing
time
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 occupies students ‘sleeping
time
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. In a recent survey, notified that around two
third
Linking Words
 of the student population sleep less than 6 hours per day.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will result in an inefficient perform
in
Suggestion
on
 the exams and
also
Linking Words
 leads to poor mental
health
Use synonyms
 which vital for the growth of the student.
Health
Use synonyms
 issues resulting from less sleep
greatly affects
Suggestion
greatly affect
 the country's economical background. The predicted increase of certain disease rate should be modified by the government action plans, through launching awareness campaigns to reduce occurrence, as well as to provide at least minimum support to the victims by offering free
check-ups
a thorough physical examination; includes a variety of tests depending on the age and sex and health of the person
checkup
. Ultimately, the implementation of these policies requires funds from governments;
this
Linking Words
adjuvant
Suggestion
 concurrently results in higher
taxation
Suggestion
taxes
 to the citizens. To conclude, maintain a normal sleeping cycle is very imperative for the success of the individual as well as to the wealth of the country.
Submitted by kani786 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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