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Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays some high-school graduates travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In our contemporary era, it is acknowledged that undergraduate students prefer to have a gap year or even years, fulfilling their interest in travelling and gaining personal money, rather than applying directly to higher institutions. In my opinion, positive aspects like improving self-esteem, increasing financial independence and being more socially engaged outweigh the disadvantages,
for instance
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, emotionally devastating issues and unforeseen job minimum requirements. In the modern world, fewer students apply to tertiary institutions right after school graduation, preferring to travel or work, which increases significant pressure on themselves from their parents and guardians.
However
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, it can be marked as a positive trend of thinking and planning towards their future perspectives and career development.
For instance
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, in Kazan, big tech companies are open for unqualified applicants with decent experience and necessary skills to be selected. It allows the new generation to gain money at a young age
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 their skills, become more confident individuals and plan their future tourism adventures.
On the other hand
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, some youngsters can be caught in a trap of their emotional decisions, and desire for being wealthier.
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, in Moscow, students of one public school took a gap year
,
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apply
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 and decided to launch their own business. Unfortunately, without having enough experience and financial background, they couldn't realise their plans and collapsed in a few months.
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, they were unable to find well-paid work
due to
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 a lack of educational background and required diplomas.
This
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 led to devastating emotional and psychological circumstances, causing young folks to be hospitalized for a couple of months. In conclusion, in the 21st century, we can observe more and more pupils selecting to take some time for themselves
instead
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 of pursuing higher education. Despite having some side effects, I do believe that
this
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 phenomenon has more positive impacts, fostering hands-on skills and giving more opportunities for youth to taste real life in action.

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task achievement
To improve task response, make sure to address both advantages and disadvantages more evenly and provide a balanced discussion. While the essay does provide reasons and examples, addressing possible counter-arguments could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on making transitions between points slightly smoother. For instance, using more varied transition words and phrases will help the essay flow better from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure that each point logically follows from the previous one with clear connections.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets up the topic and states the writer's opinion.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant specific examples which help to illustrate the points made.
supported main points
The main points are supported with logical reasoning and specific examples, which adds depth to the argument.
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