IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

#countries #proportion #people #trend #effects #society
Because the development of technology and grows of wealth, people’s life expectancy become longer and longer.
Although
 older people can contribute to the society, but the variation of
population
Suggestion
the population
 may
lead more problems
Suggestion
lead to more problems
. An issue
relate
Suggestion
relates
 to the ageing problem is the fee of
health
 medication will increase, and make more pressure on taxer. As we all known, most of medical needs and fee are coming
in
Suggestion
of
 old age. So, government need spend more money to take care old people, whereas, other critical services will face
fund shortage problem
Suggestion
fund shortage problems
a fund shortage problem
,
such
 as education. With
increase number
Suggestion
the increase number
 of older workers, slow rhythm of work will become another problem.
As
Suggestion
At
 age growing, people’s abilities
of
Suggestion
by
absorb
Suggestion
absorbing
 information and tackle problems will gradually decline. If older people delay retirement, they may affect company’s efficiency and benefit.
On the other hand
, more people will delay their retirement and prolong their career, and their experience and wisdom
are
Suggestion
is
 great treasures of society. Because people pay more attention on
health diet
Accept comma addition
health, diet
 and sports, they can live
more
Suggestion
healthier
health
 and longer. They can teach their knowledge and skills to young people.
For example
, some senior managers will teach young people how to
manager
Suggestion
manage
managing
 a company, and how to serve clients better. To sum up, increase
on
Suggestion
in
of
 life expectancy have put pressure on many country’s
health
medication
Suggestion
medications
, it will
also
 affect the output of labours.
Although
 we can utilize old people’s wisdom,
this
 will influence development of economy.
Submitted by 914234474 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: