IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree?

#societies #people #money
There are homeless people in
mostly
Suggestion
most
 every
society
. Few people think that we can help them through
financially
Suggestion
financial
 support. I completely disagree
to
Suggestion
with
 the idea.
This
 essay will argue that why financial support does not help in elimination of homelessness and what alternative methods can be chosen to decrease the number of homeless people in
society
.
Although
 many people think that providing
money
 to unsheltered people is
most effective way
Suggestion
the most effective way
a most effective way
 of facilitating, but the fact is that
mostly
Suggestion
most
 these people are lazy and habitual of asking
money
 on
streets
Suggestion
the streets
.
Additionally
, most of the homeless people are
addictive
Suggestion
addicted
addiction
 to drugs. The
money
 given to them would be utilized in buying of drugs and the main problem of homelessness will remain there. Recently a study conducted in a journal of social awareness
for
Suggestion
in
society
, stated that the number of homeless people remained same even though they were given a handsome amount of cash to buy homes.
Therefore
, the homeless people do not spend the financial aid efficiently.
Hence
, there must be alternative ways of helping them.
However
, the financial aid should be utilized in creating organizations and institutions where the homeless and poor can learn new skills to support themselves and their families. The process of learning does not only reduce the unsheltered people in the
society but
Accept comma addition
society, but
also
 lowers the crime rate in the vicinity.
For instance
, a local government in Punjab, Pakistan initiated a project in March 2018, which not only teaches poor women the skills of beautician, nursing, child care and driving but
also
 giving them monthly
money
 to motivate them in learning.
This
 helped them in getting jobs and living honourably.
Therefore
, the poor and needy people need
proper skills
Suggestion
the proper skills
 to earn and live comfortably. In conclusion, treating the homelessness is essential in building healthy
society
 but monetary in not the only solution. There are other ways in which these needy people can be helped.
Submitted by neil.nazir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: