IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individually and on society?

#people #countries #effect #society
In the recent years in many countries, many people
has been sleeping
Suggestion
have been sleeping
 lesser than before. A healthy sleeping
duration
 is from 6 to 8
hours but
Accept comma addition
hours, but
this
 not been achieved by most of the working adults. Insomnia is referred to someone who has
sleeping
Suggestion
slept
 difficulty and unable to fall asleep resulted in sleeping lesser than required. There are many reasons for people to sleep less than the required
duration
.
First
, stress from
work
maybe
Suggestion
may be
 a huge factor.
This
 may happen when someone faced a
difficulty
Suggestion
difficult
 to solve a problem, unable to meet project deadline, made a huge mistake which
may resulted
Suggestion
may result
 in loss of
work
, demotion and so on. Apart from
work
, stress from family could
also
 be another factor when both husband and wife had
financial difficulty to meet
Suggestion
a financial difficulty meeting
financial difficulty meeting
 ends need.
Secondly
, many people
has been
Suggestion
have been
 busy fulfilling their night life with various schedules
such
 as networking event,
social outgoing
Accept comma addition
social, outgoing
, clubbing and all these night life will lead to
insufficent
of a quantity not able to fulfill a need or requirement
insufficient
 sleeping time. Having insufficient sleep can have
impact
Suggestion
an impact
 on both
individually
Suggestion
individuals
individual
 and society. Someone with insufficient sleep will not be productive at
work
 and resulted in low
work
 efficiency. Our brain will not be able to function well and our thinking and reaction to questions will be slower. The recommended sleep
duration
 of 6 to 8 hours per day is to allow our body to rest and at the same time, it serves as
auto-recovery
Suggestion
an auto - recovery
 for our body to heal and increase
immune system
Suggestion
the immune system
. Without sufficient rest, we may be able to fall sick easily. The impact on society cannot be neglected too. Accidents on the road may increase when road users fell asleep while driving and resulted with unwanted injuries and casualties. People may tend to quarrel more when they didn't have enough sleep and resulted in weak harmonization in the society. In conclusion, sufficient sleep
duration
 is important to maintain a healthy life and increase
work
 productivity. All adults shall aim to achieve a minimum sleep of at least 6 to 8 hours per day to allow our body to rest after a whole
day
Suggestion
day's
work
.
Submitted by venny on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: