IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.

#people #music #cultures #ages
Today, many people believe that
music
 fosters special connection between people who come from different backgrounds or age brackets. Personally, I completely agree with that point of view.
To begin
 with,
music
Suggestion
the music
 enhances harmony and understanding between different cultures. In fact,
music
 is considered as universal language, allowing everybody to understand and connect with each other. The reason is that
although
 listeners might not understand the lyrics written in
foreign language
Suggestion
a foreign language
, they still could share the same emotions
such
 as empathy or sadness when hearing certain rhythms and melodies.
Besides
, it is undeniable that
music
 is always the reflection of the traditions and customs of its writer’s society.
Therefore
, attending musical performances of foreign musicians can help audiences learn about various cultural aspects of other nations
such
 as their lifestyle, traditions and history.
In addition
,
music
also
 strengthens
bonds
Suggestion
the bonds
 between all age groups and generations.
For instance
, when people are interested in a certain type of
music
, they tend to join online forums or certain clubs to meet those who share similar interests. In
such
 places, they can play
music
 and sing together, developing their musical link and social closeness with people of all ages. Another illustration is the connection between the elderly and youngsters in festivals or social rituals where traditional songs are performed. In these events, different generations can enjoy traditional
music
 together, or share ancient stories related to their community customs and origins, thereby enriching mutual understanding and bonding with each other. In conclusion, I fully support the idea that
music
 creates a strong bond between people, irrespective of their ages and cultural origins.
Submitted by archiekinsmontgomery on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: