IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that subjects such as art, music, drama and creative writing have a bright future. Therefore, schools should spend more time teaching these subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #subjects #art #music #drama #future #schools #time
According to a group of people in the society, children should be made to spend more time on creative art and related subjects in the schools since they believe it brings huge success in the future but in reality,
career
Suggestion
careers
 in
this
 stream is unpredictable with involving a lot of struggle.
To begin
 with, some parents think that there should be more time devoted by the schools in subjects
such
 as art, drama or creative writing. The reason behind
this
 thinking is that people see the big celebrities
such
 as actors, musicians and others earning huge wealth and gaining enormous success.
However
, they are ignoring the struggle in
this
 industry that people do to achieve
this
 success.
For example
, out of thousands of people who want to become actors in Mumbai city, only a few are able to reach their goals and that even takes years to achieve.
On the other hand
, if the current system prevails, that stresses on subjects
such
 as science and mathematics,
then
more number
Suggestion
number
 of engineers, scientists and teachers can be produced to meet the demands and needs of the industries.
For example
, if there are hundred vacancies made available in a company every year for the position of software engineers, they need more engineering graduates. Apart from
this
, salary in these jobs is comparatively stable on
monthly basis
Suggestion
a monthly basis
 and not based on the work
such
 as earning only when the produced art work of painting or sketch gets sold. On the whole, though some people believe that jobs in arts subjects should be given more emphasis in the schools, I disagree
on
Suggestion
with
this
 statement since I think other subjects
such
 as mathematics and science are more important for the children as per the industry demands.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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