Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#forms #leisure #activity #countries #adults #development

Youngsters find shopping appealing in many

nations these

Accept comma addition

nations, these

days as it is their favourite choice of leisure activity. The reasons for

this

behaviour can be due to affordability and aesthetic value.

However

, the benefit of

this

development would be discussed in

this

essay. One of the main reasons why young people spend their free time in the shop is its affordability. In the past, people could afford luxury trips to foreign countries in their free time unlike now. The most

affordable fascinating

Accept comma addition

affordable, fascinating

experience is shopping. Another reason why some adolescents find pleasure in shopping could be because of its materials aesthetic value. They usually derive pleasure and satisfaction in acquiring beautiful things

such

as gadgets and costumes. By owning a newly designed material, they often have

sense

Suggestion

a sense

of joy.

For example

, a recent poll conducted in India found that around 70% of the youth enjoy operating electronic gadgets and devices as compared to reading.

However

Accept space

as a result

of these factors above,

refers to the speaker or writer

believe that shopping is beneficial to the nation because of

increased employment rate

Suggestion

the increased employment rate

in the economy. If more individuals patronize retailers and spend money on their products, the investors would be encouraged to establish more businesses.

Therefore

, people would be vastly employed

For instance

Accept space

Ali newspaper in 2018 reported a 13% increase in employment in the shopping malls

Suggestion

Dubai;

this

is due to the growing shopping rate. In conclusion,

although

while

products

Suggestion

products'

product

affordability and its attractiveness entices young adults to spend much of their leisure

activities shopping

Accept comma addition

activities, shopping

, I think

this

development is beneficial to the

economy not

Accept comma addition

economy, not

only because it offers employment opportunities for young people, but it

also

helps to boost the economy.

Submitted by anusha9573285437 on Mon Jul 15 2019

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

leisure activity
consumer culture
material possession
social experience
disposable income
tech-savvy
convenience
fashion trends
overconsumption
economic stimulation
retail industry
materialism
debt
consumer spending
browsing

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Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

With the appearance of electronic devices such as computers and televisions, residents actually work out less which has negative effects on their health. Do you agree or disagree?

According to some people, death penalty must be used as a punishment for people who committed serious crimes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of capital punishment?

Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles, aunts and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. To what extend are you agree or disagree

The way someone dresses speaks volumes about their personality. To what extent do you agree?

Some high schools have a requirement that students must complete a certain amount of volunteer work in order to graduate. What do you think about this type of requirement? Give details to support your opinion.