In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many countries where there is a high proportion of unemployed people, it is argued that most students should be provided only primary
education
Use synonyms
and there is no secondary offer for those who are unlikely to have a job. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
point of view It is evident that offering secondary
education
Use synonyms
for primary
schoolchildren
Suggestion
school child
school children
benefits both individuals and the economy.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
beyond
primary one
Suggestion
the primary one
provides students with the opportunity to acquire various soft skills
such
Linking Words
as communication skills, team-playing or presentation skills, which improves their future career
propects
the possibility of future success
prospects
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, those who are considered unemployable in their primary school time would become competitive applicants in the job market as they are armed with knowledge and skills included in the secondary
cirriculum
an integrated course of academic studies
curriculum
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, highly educated students are required in many sectors of the economy.
Although
Linking Words
technology advance has cut down a significant number of labours in some
fields namely
Accept comma addition
fields, namely
agriculture or heavy industry, there is an existing demand for professionally trained
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
in certain jobs like nursing, researching as well as financial consulting
In addition
Linking Words
, lack of provision of secondary
education
Use synonyms
has negative impacts on the society. The evident scenario is that there will be a rise in crime rate. As those lacking secondary
education
Use synonyms
do not have
Suggestion
does not have
sufficient qualities
to meet
Suggestion
meet
the the
definite article
the
need of most employers, they are unable to join the workforce and become unemployed.
As a result
Linking Words
, they might resort to illegal activities and
thus
Linking Words
fall foul of the law.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
secondary
Suggestion
the secondary education shortage
a secondary education shortage
education
Use synonyms
shortage is
also
Linking Words
responsible for poverty and hunger. Indeed, primarily educated
labors
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labours
labour
will have difficulty finding a job and be only able to do manual works which are physically demanding to meet the basic
neccessities
the condition of being essential or indispensable
necessities
In conclusion, it is pivotal to widely offer
education
Use synonyms
for pupils, at least
on
Suggestion
at
a secondary level.
Submitted by Thanh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: