IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren, while others say that elderly people should be encouraged to live independently. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.

#commentators #grandparents #children #grandchildren #people #arguments #debate #conclusion
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The issue of whether grandparents should live with their extended families is partly a question of the traditions in different cultures or nationalities.
However
, the question of affordability
also
 plays an increasing part, and so
this
 debate is rather complex, as we shall see. On the one hand, those who support the idea of grandparents living with their children point to
the higher
Suggestion
the highest
 level of emotional support which all family members may receive in
such
 situations,
for example
 in times of crisis
such
 as bereavement.
Furthermore
, it is
also
 true that personal security may be increased, offering protection against
such
 problems as accidents or even robbery.
Finally
, it seems that extended family life will
also
 be considerably less costly,
for instance
 with lower food and utility bills, meaning that enjoyment of life may be higher.
By contrast
, supporters of grandparents living independently often state that elderly people should be encouraged to be as self-reliant as possible, as
this
 boosts their self-esteem and may guard against mental decline in old age. They
also
 say, with some merit, that many younger families these days do not have the housing space, or indeed the spare time, which is necessary to care properly for older members. As a
last
 point, it is
also
 true that many grandparents prefer to see their grandchildren on a less frequent basis (as opposed to every day), making these visits
more special
Suggestion
most special
 and cherished for all concerned. Overall, it appears to me that the stronger argument is in favour of grandparents living
independently
Suggestion
Independently
, with all the advantages of self-reliance and separate space.
This
 is provided that their health and finances allow them to continue living separately, without
risk
Suggestion
the risk
 or the fear of isolation.
Submitted by khaldoun198 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: