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Band 5

Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion?

#people #attention #resources #protection #animals #birds
It is irrefutable that government has
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of tasks to perform to protect different types of
species
 including humans. Excess care and more than the requirement of
resources
 are being deployed to protect wild animals and
birds
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
said
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some people. In my opinion, I agree and believe that we should focus more on humans as
resources
 are limited. One reason is that we have many more serious challenges to cover
such
 as
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 of humans rather than focusing on
birds
 and wild animals. Poverty and lack of medicines against deadly infections are the major issues of the current
world
,
therefore
 the government must allocate more funds on
such
 issues to control the deaths of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.
For instance
, a survey from
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
health organization
Correct your spelling
Health Organization
show examples
 revealed that every day uncounted people are dying because of poor living conditions and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of medicines to cure
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fatal diseases like cancer and HIV. Another reason is that
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of one
species
 from the
world
 has
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 effect on other
species
 and the environment,
thus
 spending huge money and other
resources
 to protect these
species
 is unjustified.
For example
,
disappearance
Add an article
the disappearance
show examples
 of
species
dodo
Change preposition
of dodo
show examples
birds
 from
Malaysian
Correct article usage
a Malaysian
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 island has zero effect on other
species
 on that island.
Hence
, it is a wasteful approach to appoint numerous scientists
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the behaviour and study of
such
species
. In conclusion, human problems are more serious to cover and
resources
 are little in quantity.
However
,
vanishing
Correct article usage
the vanishing
show examples
 of wild animals and
birds
 is not
effecting
Correct your spelling
affecting
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
world
 at major levels,
therefore
, we should not give more focus and
resources
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
such
 issues.
Submitted by vbwielts on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address the prompt question and provide a clear stance. Include relevant examples and analyze the given topic in depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the overall structure and flow of the essay by using appropriate linking words and organizing ideas logically. Ensure a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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