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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that voluntary services like charity, cleaning the
neighborhood
a surrounding or nearby region
neighbourhood
, imparting knowledge to the underprivileged, etc.
should
Suggestion
Should
 be made mandatory in the high
school
Use synonyms
 curriculum. I strongly agree to
this
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 as it not only helps in students becoming socially responsible adults but
also
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 in shaping their character.
Firstly
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, community service inculcates a sense of responsibility towards the society, something
that is
Linking Words
 needed to shape a good society.
For instance
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, the introduction of
Swatch Bharath scheme
Suggestion
the Swatch Bharath scheme
a Swatch Bharath scheme
 in my
school
Use synonyms
, The Hyderabad Public
School
Use synonyms
, ten years ago taught me not only to keep the surroundings of the
school
Use synonyms
 clean but
also
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 to never litter wherever I go.
Hence
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, now I feel responsible to maintain cleanliness everywhere.
Such
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 services are needed to develop a better society in the future.
Secondly
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, voluntary services
cater
Suggestion
caters
 to the overall character development of an individual. It inculcates a feeling of empathy in
children which
Accept comma addition
children, which
 is needed to build a better character.
For example
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, an alumnus of Montessori High
School
Use synonyms
, who indulged in petty law-breaking activities during
school
Use synonyms
 confessed that it was the charity service that he did in high
school
Use synonyms
; which engraved deep ideas and thoughts in his mind; helped him in becoming a better person
for
Suggestion
in
 his family and refrained him from committing socially irresponsible acts.
Thus
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,
such
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 voluntary activities teach us to value what we have and in turn contributes to our personality development. That being said, we cannot deny the fact that many students misuse the time allocated for these services by considering it as an excursion to enjoy with friends rather than a learning experience. In conclusion,
although
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 compulsory voluntary community service has its drawbacks, it is still useful in shaping a child as a socially responsible citizen and
also
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 in their overall personality development.
Therefore
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, pupils should be encouraged to involve themselves in
such
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 activities.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • neighborhood improvement
  • teaching sports
  • empathy
  • social justice
  • transferable skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • problem-solving
  • civic duty
  • civic engagement
  • educational enhancement
  • practical experiences
  • academic learning
  • real-world applications
  • social cohesion
  • mutual support
  • time management
  • balancing priorities
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