IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
Owing to the deteriorating
healthy
Suggestion
health
 state of people in the country, it has been suggested that
government
 funding should consider the avoidance of health issues and diseases as it is crucial to the cure and remedy.
However
, in my opinion, I strongly agree that the prevention of health challenges and sicknesses should be taken into consideration in
government's budget
Suggestion
the government's budget
 as
this
 will mitigate the occurrence of different ailments and diseases that befall people.
Firstly
, there is
popular
Suggestion
a popular
 saying that says "Prevention is better than cure". So many ailments that affect individuals could have been avoided if proper care has been taken at an early stage.
For instance
, care against cancer, AIDS, diabetes and some other terminal diseases could have been made through proper orientation, medical awareness and outreaches organised by the
government
 to educate people about healthy living, the
dos'
a measured portion of medicine taken at any one time
dose
 and
donts'
do not
don't
to avoid
Suggestion
avoid
 these diseases and the actions to be taken should the symptoms of
such
 diseases occur. In the
absent
Suggestion
absence
, of these medical outreaches, diseases that could have been avoided would be full blown and result in spending
alot
Suggestion
a lot
 of money to cure it completely. Another point to consider is that,
government
 funds that could have been used in procuring large medical equipment
such
 as X-ray machines,
Chemotheraphy
Suggestion
Chemotherapy
 Equipment amongst many others to treat terminal diseases should they occur could be diverted to some other sectors of the economy that would be beneficial to the people. In conclusion, I believe it is reasonable for
government
Suggestion
the government
governments
 to plan alongside their budget the funds that will be needed to prevent health issues as
this
 helps to circumvent the occurrence of avoidable diseases and sicknesses.
Submitted by olayemioludamilola on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: