IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a women's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. What opinion do you agree and why?

#people #women #chances #work #careers #role #care #house #children
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A few individuals claim that
women
Use synonyms
 should focus on household
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 and
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
show examples
 of their
children
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 more
liberal minded
Add a hyphen
liberal-minded
show examples
 people believe that
women
Use synonyms
 should have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 rights as men to do work and achieve their goals. I strongly agree with liberal
minded
Correct word choice
liberal-minded
show examples
 public.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 notion with examples. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with,
women
Use synonyms
 who indulge in official work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can raise their
children
Use synonyms
 effectively as other females do. Because
part -time
Correct your spelling
part-time
show examples
 and online job opportunities have been provided by various corporate organizations.
For example
Linking Words
,
Child
Correct article usage
the Child
show examples
 Care Association has revealed that working
women
Use synonyms
 are equally efficient in taking care of their pupils as housewives
due to
Linking Words
short
Correct article usage
the short
show examples
 span of working hours.
Therefore
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, it is incoherent to say that having a career compromises a mother's ability to
bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 up her child. Scrutinizing
further
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,
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 gives monetary benefits to the family which will be helpful in raising the economic and social status of family members.
Moreover
Linking Words
, If
women
Use synonyms
 do
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
, they will contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 providing better education to their
children
Use synonyms
.
As both
Correct word choice
Both
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents have different sources of income.
For instance
Linking Words
,USA residents have 80 percent of working parents,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would have
capability
Change the article
the capability
show examples
 to spend money on their
children
Use synonyms
's
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 not only
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 in terms of money but
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 a quintessential example for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 working
women
Use synonyms
 can handle both professional and personal life. They should be given equal rights to work in
corporate
Correct article usage
the corporate
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
. It should be necessary to bring a change in the thinking of traditional communities.
Submitted by naresh on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points and provide closure to the essay.
task response
The essay should address both sides of the argument and provide a balanced view, considering opposing opinions.
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