Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a women's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. What opinion do you agree and why?

A few individuals claim that
women
should focus on household
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
and
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
show examples
of their
children
.
Whereas
more
liberal minded
Add a hyphen
liberal-minded
show examples
people believe that
women
should have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
rights as men to do work and achieve their goals. I strongly agree with liberal
minded
Correct word choice
liberal-minded
show examples
public.
This
essay will discuss the reasons for
this
notion with examples. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
show examples
with,
women
who indulge in official work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can raise their
children
effectively as other females do. Because
part -time
Correct your spelling
part-time
show examples
and online job opportunities have been provided by various corporate organizations.
For example
,
Child
Correct article usage
the Child
show examples
Care Association has revealed that working
women
are equally efficient in taking care of their pupils as housewives
due to
short
Correct article usage
the short
show examples
span of working hours.
Therefore
, it is incoherent to say that having a career compromises a mother's ability to
bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
up her child. Scrutinizing
further
,
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
gives monetary benefits to the family which will be helpful in raising the economic and social status of family members.
Moreover
, If
women
do
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
, they will contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
providing better education to their
children
.
As both
Correct word choice
Both
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents have different sources of income.
For instance
,USA residents have 80 percent of working parents,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would have
capability
Change the article
the capability
show examples
to spend money on their
children
's
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
It is clear that
women
not only
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
in terms of money but
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
a quintessential example for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion,
it is clear that
working
women
can handle both professional and personal life. They should be given equal rights to work in
corporate
Correct article usage
the corporate
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
. It should be necessary to bring a change in the thinking of traditional communities.
Submitted by naresh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points and provide closure to the essay.
task response
The essay should address both sides of the argument and provide a balanced view, considering opposing opinions.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: