IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, people are moving to other countries to seek jobs. Some people think it affects the children of such home negativity while some others think it is beneficial to them. Discuss both sides and state your opinion

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There is no doubt that people are moving abroad for
work
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. Some people believe that
Children
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 of
such
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 families have adverse implications, if any of their family
member
Change to a plural noun
members
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 away,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 find it advantageous. In my opinion, I consider working abroad.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence as to why working overseas is beneficial. Professionals who are seeking to
work
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 abroad can
also
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 create better opportunities for their
children
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’s future lives. On-site opportunities are increasing substantially, as there is a huge demand for
work
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,
due to
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this
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 individual can have an elevation in their career,
as well as
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 open gateways for a prosperous future
of
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for
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 their
children
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. To illustrate
this
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, nowadays, organizations are offering family visa, which permits them to settle abroad where
,
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apply
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company
Add an article
the company
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 bears the visa fees and is liable
to
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for
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 other immigration expenses.
In addition
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 to
this
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,
children
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 can be benefited
with
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from
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 the facilities which,
otherwise
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 may not be available in their own country.
Children
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 cannot tackle
with
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apply
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the
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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 conditions, that may arise
due to
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 separation
with
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from
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 their loved ones.
Therefore
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,
this
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 may have a negative impact on their studies and may feel lonely, as
children
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 are sensitive and emotionally attached
with
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to
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 their family members.
For example
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, if either of the
parent
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parents
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move
Change the verb form
moves
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 abroad to
work
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 for the long term
then
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,
children
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 may feel depressed as they are living apart.
As a result
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, the child may become dull and gloomy.
This
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, in turn, will have a negative effect on his life. In conclusion,
although
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 people may vary in their opinions, I think that working abroad
stand
Correct subject-verb agreement
stands
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 a better chance
to generate
Change preposition
of generating
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 more benefits for their
children
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 and
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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 them to fulfil their aspirations, without being deprived of their loved
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the scene but could be made clearer by briefly stating both the negative and positive aspects of the topic before outlining your opinion. Consider rephrasing your opinion to clarify that you're discussing the benefits of working abroad.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly links to the central argument of your essay. For example, while you make valid points about the opportunities and challenges, ensure that each point is explicitly tied back to how they affect children.
task achievement
In your supporting points, aim to provide more specific examples that directly relate to children's experiences when family members work abroad. This is particularly important for achieving a higher score in relevant specific examples.
task achievement
You have clearly identified both sides of the argument and have provided an opinion, which shows an understanding of the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good organization of ideas and generally follows a logical structure, allowing readers to follow your argument easily.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional stability
  • academic progress
  • emotional distress
  • gain employment
  • educational journey
  • exposure to diverse cultures
  • financial stability
  • worldview
  • enhanced earnings
  • quality of life
  • mitigate
  • interventions
  • comprehensive
  • enriching development
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