IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Traditional medicine such as acupuncture, herbal remedies is very popular in some countries. Those who practice traditional medicine claim it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health

#medicine #acupuncture #remedies #countries #practice #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Owing to the fact that, natural
medicine
 is widely accepted by some as a means of resolving health concerns as against present
day
medicine
.
Consequently
, it is my opinion that recently adopted
medicine
 is indeed more beneficial to health management due to the availability of technological equipments, ability to prescribe and
also
 quantify drug prescriptions, as well as the convenience in detecting possible ailments.
To begin
 with, modem
day
medicine
 has proven
it's
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
 worth by the ability to get
proper diagnosis
Suggestion
a proper diagnosis
 done. The most recent technological discoveries in equipments
such
 as MRI and CT scans affords the opportunity of getting an accurate prognosis of the health conditions of patients before treatment can commence.
For instance
, my uncle who had a mild bathroom accident, was believed to be recuperating until an X-ray was carried out. It was discovered that, he had been bleeding internally.
Infact
Suggestion
In fact
, he could have simply died if the test was not conducted.
Moreover
, the right diagnosis aids the dispensation of appropriate drugs in the right quantity, unlike what is available in alternative
medicine
, most of which treatment are given without checks. Another point to consider in the adoption of present
day
medicine
 is the convenience with which medical conditions can be found out. A simple blood test would help to ascertain whether a patient should be treated for malaria or typhoid. More so, critical heath worries
such
 as hypertension and diabetes, which requires follow up with the doctors can now be carried out at home without having to visit the emergency room. In conclusion, In my opinion, recent
day
medicine
are
Suggestion
is
 more advantageous to the society due
it's
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
 convenience and measuring capabilities than traditional
medicine
 and herbal remedies.
Submitted by Aisha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: