IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Is teaching people aged 65 or above to use computers a good way to use government money, or is it a waste of time and resources? Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#people #computers #government #money #waste #time #resources #points
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Education
Use synonyms
 is a key element of any healthy
society
Use synonyms
, and governments need to make it a top priority. If a
society
Use synonyms
 is well-educated,
then
Linking Words
 it is likely to be more successful and more competitive internationally.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 expenditure directed towards elderly
people
Use synonyms
 may not be the best use of resources, it is something that any civilized
society
Use synonyms
 should do. On the one hand, the increasing proportion of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in populations around the world is one of the key social changes of the
last
Linking Words
 few decades. If the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 over 65 continues to rise at the present rate in many societies,
people
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 age group will far outnumber younger ones in the near future.
For example
Linking Words
, the tendency of life expectancy figures to increase means that many
people
Use synonyms
 will have 20 or 30 years of life after they are retired.
As a result
Linking Words
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 are an increasingly influential group within many societies, and their needs are becoming increasingly important for governments in many countries.
Therefore
Linking Words
, expenditure on elderly
people
Use synonyms
's
education
Use synonyms
 should be part of all
education
Use synonyms
 budgets.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 should not be taken too far. If
education
Use synonyms
 spending is focused on the over-65 age group,
this
Linking Words
 deprives younger
people
Use synonyms
 of educational funding that may be more beneficial to
society
Use synonyms
 as a whole.
For example
Linking Words
, if facilities are made available, computers purchased, and teachers hired to teach older
people
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 means that schools for children and teenagers may not be able to offer
this
Linking Words
 subject to their students.
As a result
Linking Words
, the skills that teenagers need throughout their lives to get good jobs and provide for their families may be spent on
people
Use synonyms
 whose need for
this
Linking Words
 type of
education
Use synonyms
 is not as urgent. Older
people
Use synonyms
 have a right to benefit from government expenditure, and resources should be allocated to their
education
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 should not be done if it deprives schools and universities
Submitted by 76805977 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. Your essay should include a clear opinion on whether teaching elderly people to use computers is a good use of government money. Make sure that your conclusion is as well-developed as the rest of your essay and clearly states your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by adding well-defined transitions that show the relationship between paragraphs and ideas. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to ensure a smoother flow of information.
Introduction and Conclusion
In future essays, remember to include a conclusion that reiterates your thesis and summarizes your main points. This will provide a clear closure to your argument and fulfill the prompt's requirements.
Supported Main Points
For a higher score in supporting your main points, incorporate more detailed examples and evidence. Include specific case studies or statistics that clearly support the arguments you are making.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • computer literacy
  • digital divide
  • quality of life
  • digital economy
  • rural or isolated communities
  • equality of access
  • cost-benefit analysis
  • cognitive ability
  • technological advancement
  • government funding
  • resource allocation
  • critical areas
  • return on investment
  • engage socially
  • access information
What to do next:
Look at other essays: