IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Question. Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree?

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
It
is often argue
Suggestion
is often argued
often argues
 that community service be ensured for culprits in jail
instead
 of keeping them under prison for long, according to some.I completely agree the view since
this
 service would help them to realise the mistake they have committed preciously. A good reason to support community services for a
jailmates
Suggestion
joint
joints
 is that it is enable them to rethink about mistakes that they have offended before.They could understand how the victim
,
Accept space
,
his family and friends are affected by his wrong doing.To illustrate, community services
such
 as working with
destitutes
poor enough to need help from others
destitute
, helping mental health patients and
,
Accept space
,
educate children would probably make them regret their crimes.
Therefore
,
Accept space
,
this
activities
Suggestion
activity
defenitily decrease
Suggestion
definitely decreases
definitely decrease
 the chance of
reoffenders
a person who transgresses moral or civil law
offenders
. Another point to consider is that keeping criminals in a lonely environment may create some mental issues to their mind due to lack of communication with others.
This
 can be significantly tackled by introducing them into social activities.
This
 program
,
Accept space
,
for example
, provides an opportunity to meet people
,
Accept space
,
share experiences and collect positive feedback would certainly motivate prisoners.
Finally
,
Accept space
,
by participating social programs
jailmates
united or combined
joints
 are well accepted by society
,
Accept space
,
otherwise
 they are labelled and may face discrimination after their term in jail.
Moreover
, spending
whole day
Suggestion
the whole day
a whole day
whole days
 with other deadly criminal build friendship between inmate
,
Accept space
,
 eventually, high chance of
reoffendinding
 once they go out.
This
 situation can be prevented from
root
Suggestion
the root
 itself
.
Accept space
.
 In conclusion, In my opinion
,
Accept space
,
I completely agreed to have a regular social activities section for prisoners
instead
 of
continues
Suggestion
continuing
 jail term.
This
changes
Suggestion
change
 would bring better peace in society.
Submitted by Sal on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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