IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Human beings are born to enjoy
life
Use synonyms
 apart from work and die eventually. Some individuals are of the opinion that since the average age of people has increased and they tend to live for a long duration the retirement age at the workplace should be increased. I,
however
Linking Words
, disagree
to
Suggestion
with
 the suggested view.
To begin
Linking Words
, mankind has been brought into
this
Linking Words
 world with a certain set of duties. There are different stages in
Use synonyms
life
Accept comma addition
life, for
for example
Linking Words
: childhood, adulthood, and old age. Every stage has a finite set of responsibilities like as
children we
Accept comma addition
children, we
 attend school; during adolescence we head to college, and
finally
Linking Words
 begin to earn our income to fend for ourselves. The middle stage of a person’s
life
Use synonyms
 is when he toils until the day he has been released from his duties. In
short he
Accept comma addition
short, he
 is considered to be a senior citizen.
However
Linking Words
, the growth of medicine and research today has facilitated the longevity of living.
This
Linking Words
 amazing factor can be used for an older man to concentrate on the time he missed during his youth.
For example
Linking Words
: in so many cases parents had no time for their young ones as they had to work throughout the day, but today as grandparents they can offer
time
objective case of they
them
 to their grandchildren. Another example is, that they can concentrate on themselves, their hobbies and their spouses. There are various organizations that schedule fun trips like hiking, gardening and pottery, which can be taken up as a recreational activity.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, some just love their job and would love to continue till they no longer can sustain themselves. In
such
Linking Words
 a case it would be quite a bright idea to extend the timeline of the working class. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it works for a few I believe that our birth is not just for work but to enjoy the beauty of
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Rufina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: