IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? Wht can be done now to deal with this situation?

#birth #rate #countries #fall #years #third #population #effects #predictions #wht #situation
The
birth
rate
 in
developed
Suggestion
developing
 countries tends to decrease that increases a
fraction
 of older people in the
society
. The
fraction
 of people aged 65 or over is predicted to be over one
third
 by 2030.
This
 fact will lead to various unpleasant consequences which impact on the entire
society
. The higher
fraction
Suggestion
the fraction
 of elderly people will result in at least two big problems.
First
, the elders will need more resources to sustain the appropriate level of life since old age is often connected with health problems and reduced ability to work.
Therefore
, the government will have to spend more money on the
healthcare
Suggestion
health care
.
Moreover
, it will probably be necessary to increase retirement
age which
Suggestion
age, which also
also
 requires qualified medical assistance to assure that people are ready to work longer.
Second
, reduced
birth
rate
 will decrease a
fraction
 of younger people.
Therefore
, they will have to
work more to provide
Suggestion
work to provide more
 resources for the
society
.
However
, it is not beneficial for their health and it is supposed to cause additional stress.
Moreover
, more
time
 spent working means less
time
 spent to family and,
consequently
, it could probably lead to additional decrease in
birth
rate
. So, it could make the
birth
rate
 problem much worse. To conclude, our
society
 must overcome the
birth
rate
 problem in order to keep itself sustainable. We can extend governmental help and provide tax exclusions for young families to encourage them to have children. Employers should
also
 provide extended holidays for employees with children to ensure that they have enough
time
 for family.
Also
, we can use the example of Japanese companies which allowed their single employees to have more
time
 to find a couple and make a family.
Submitted by hdw on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: